the mothering love
of letting go

silently keeping
a corner

warm the nest
ready to welcome

anytime me
the wounded bird

a small body
still crossing oceans

“You are worthless!”
Somebody close to me said.
“Not worth a ****!”
It was somebody in my head.
“Never have been.”
The ******* went right on
“And never will be.”
It never has been gone.

My entire life
These words have been there.
I have tried hard
To act like I don’t even care.
But they hurt me
Took joy from all I try to do
And bring me down
Because I fear they are true.

I have tried hard
To prove that I do have worth,
I’m not, nor have I ever
Been the **** of the earth.
I have worked hard
To make my way among men,
When I start to believe,
The chanting starts over again.

Something in me
A different kinder sort of a voice
Gently urges me
To accept that I have a choice.
It softly tells me
That early on I was damaged
And I must accept
My self-confidence was savaged.

So, slowly changes
Come about in what I am feeling
And I see more
Of what cards fate is dealing.
I changed people
That I let into my life today.
I let the past go
And let those voices go away.

You were the Barbie jeep engineer.
You were the 5-card pinochle player.
You were the gripe to do the dishes.
You were the patient mall bench sitter.

You were Elvis Presley records and
paper backed crime novels.
You were my new antivirus software.
You were the chatter in the middle of an
NCIS episode.
You were the "It's okay, sweetie" on the
other end of the phone.

You were the voice of every bathtime storybook.
You were the baking soda on my first wasp sting.
You were the green Ford Escort parked
outside my middle school every afternoon.

You were the loudest clap at my graduation.
You were the sticky caramel corn crumbs in the
living room that held the place together.
You were the laughter

You were the toolkit when my pictures hung crooked.
You were the cornerback baker, the pecan pie maker,
dance recital seat saver and the road trip driver.
You were the puppy-dog pill-giver and the
broken heart mender.

You were the church goer and the goodness seeker.
You were the black-haired teaser and the
very best secret keeper.
You were a prideful wig wearer and
wheelchair rider.

You were a cancer fighter.

You were my first call.
You still are.

Have you ever been angry?
So angry you've scared yourself.
Because for a second you saw that face staring back from within.
An immense depth fast approaching.
So absent of light the only reason you caught a glimpse was those eyes.
Beaming back at you with illumination so frightening your core began to shudder and rumble.

Crumbled down and watched this beast claw its way out.
Over rock and mortar. Through coarse cage of steel.
Those cold eyes staring down - helplessly watching.

This beast was once kept sealed.
Who gave it this key to destruction.
This shapeless fluid in motion soulless tragedy.
Black velvet drape dipped in fiery energy.
Pure hate which had been compressed for eternity.
Now concentrated and intent on wreaking havoc.

I sent my armies. I sent them all.
Countless deaths and yet I sent more.
Quick slaughter - not the painless type.
This beast they could not stall.
Thrashes of bodies. Clawed and torn.
Festering flesh flying from fallen.
Axe, Sword and Mace soaked,
dripping in warm fresh blood-pounding hate.
Shatters of armor and unrecognizable corpses.
What do I do?
It seeks me as a vessel - to be worn.
I can feel the hate changing me.
Quickly now or I'll soon deform.

Looks like the law is outdated
And life is *******
The wrong traits tainted
Why millions don't make it
And elite want the nations brain dead
Tell the truth get incarcerated
Tell a lie and get elected
Educate yourself and be objective
Inspire and be creative
Leave a canvas for the underrated
Then the future will be painted
Each style is affective
Every style is effective
Universe is ancestry generater
Life is the relative consumer
While food is sprouting
And humans growing
Then humans nurturing
Law not needed for existing

Don’t ever say
Don’t tell me,
That you’ll never
Love me ever.

Please don’t say,
That you won’t stay
Or be with me
Forever.

I’ll hush you with
My lullabies
And sooth your aching
With my sighs.

I’ll touch your lips,
Caress your cheek
With fingertips
And soothing balm.

Jumping fences, cozzie on,
towel for a cape:
dives, strokes, somersaults;
doing the pool waltz.
Slurping wormy guavas;
Spinning monkey swings,
Your stories giving me wings:
You said I could fly,
If I Believe,
If I have Faith,
in the Unseen.

Ice-cream seconds, cakes, fizzy drinks;
A shake of the biscuit tin:
"one for each hand, maybe two"
Sugar, your only sin.
Paint. Wood. Leather.
Freshly cut grass.
A pun or ten,
just for fun:
Always the teasing jester.

A dreamer.
Deep talks under sprawling trees.
Hours upon your knees:
in play, in prayer, in Earth's work.
A giver to the faithless, hopeless, unheard.
A believer in love, truth and His word.

What a human.
What a man.
What a legend of my heart.
Gone but never far apart:
I still hear you laugh,
at peace now with your man, God.

More time you invest in Love, bigger the Returns~ Amitav