the taste of nicotine, infecting the young
the deep breath in, corroding my lungs
the squelch of a flame beneath my boot
the extinguished warmth between me and you.

inhale quick, forget as i try
leaving room for sickness to grow

blaming the numbness on the high
i still feel nothing when i'm low.

​”I am addicted.
She is my bottle of *****.
She is my cookie crumbs.
She is the eighth colour of my rainbow.
The colour that’s everywhere,
Except inside the rainbow.
She is my three A.M.
The three A.M. pain I write about,
And the three A.M. calls I don’t make.
She is my happy ever after.
The happy ever after in a fairytale,
In those tales for my three A.M. kid,
In those stories for my four A.M. demons,
In those lullabies for my five A.M. drowsy eyes.
She is my sushi.
She is my ‘one eyelash – one wish’.
She is my 11:11 ‘Wish, please come true’.
She is my cigarette.
Here’s the ******* problem.
I’m addicted.
And she’s my nicotine patch.”

I lay you on my lips
you burn me
out of breath

I kiss you
intermittently
inhaling
all the satisfaction
I can take

I catch my breath
in between  
till you finish
by signing my lips
with that little
burn
that keeps me
wanting
more

There's something nostalgic about
The smell of
Cigarettes in the rain.

I am reminded of
Nights bleeding over into
The morning
Inhaling whiskey
                        and
Exhaling nicotine

Bonfires on the beach
Only...
I've wandered away from
The fire
My feet sinking deeper
Into dark, cold sand
The cool water only slightly
Tickling my toes

I think of
Waking up
In unknown houses
Unknown apartments
Unknown beds
                        With
Unknown people
Trying to recount
What just transpired.

I recollect
Faces that have
Come and gone
Dancing
                        and
Laughing
About what?

I couldn't tell you.

In the midst of it all
I feel
An emptiness
A hole
Pain and
Also nothing.

I feel nothing.

Yet still
Years later
A 3 AM hotel concierge
Reeking of cigarettes in the rain
Can bring it all back

Whiskey
                        Bonfires
Cold feet
                        Blurred friends(?)
Laughing                        and
                        Hopelessness.

Course smoke in a downpour
Nicotine in the mist
How could I ever miss a feeling like this?