Mum, I have dreams
that I wish would come true.
That doesn't mean I neglect
the ones dreamt by you.

Dad, I have wishes
that I dream at night.
That doesn't mean I feel
that yours aren't worth a fight.

Mum, I know I am difficult
and that I nag and whinge.
But your words are sometimes painful
and often make me cringe.

Dad, I know I am different
and that I prefer being on my own.
But, you always misunderstand, thinking
that I like being alone.

Mum, I am sad
and I always hide my tears
because I am unable to fathom
what is it that I fear.

Dad, I am frightened
of something I don't know.
It mortifies me so much
that I find it hard to show.

I do love you both
and I know I rarely say it
because I feel I'm born in a world
where I shall never fit.

If you find yourself struggling to study for a test at 4 am, remember I'd want you to be asleep because your health matters to me more than anything, even when I lecture you for a day or ground you for a week whenever you fail your tests

If you find yourself consoling your best friend who just lost her boyfriend, remember that I'd be your best friend if you were in her position

If you find yourself hurting so badly that you can't seem to put it into words, I want you to know that it's okay

If you find yourself questioning the existence of happiness, I will be here to remind you everyday of what it means, and teach you how to feel it

If you find yourself experiencing your first heartbreak and the pain is so excruciating you don't feel like saving yourself, trust me you want to save yourself

If you find yourself sitting on the edge of your bed unable to fall asleep, drowning in your tears; don't feel strange, I've been through it all too

If you find someone who takes no for an answer, you don't need the person in your life; no isn't an answer, you're better than that

If you find yourself staring in front of a mirror trying to stop hating the way you look, remember that I love you for who you are, not the way you look

If you find that not convincing enough, remember that those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter; I mean it

If you find yourself trying to stop eating to fit into a size 0 dress, I was ten times your size at your age & I didn't give a **** what people though of me

If you're too tired to make decisions, don't make them; you'll find yourself drowning in regret two days later

If you think it's okay to give up, let me remind you that it isn't

If you ever feel alone, know that I'll always be here for you,

the way I did when you were born
the way I did when you said your first word
the way I did when you knew too many words, enough to push me away
the way I did when you took your first steps,
the way I did when you knew how to run that you attempted to run away from home when you were diagnosed with depression

*the way I'll always be, even when you think you don't need me.

The other night you made me a cup of tea.
We bickered because I stole your chocolate. I was always stealing your chocolate. Chocolate is my fave, and I'd find it and eat it however well you thought you'd hid it.
But as we drank our tea, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was not right.
And then I looked at you, and realised what was wrong.

You had died.
I held your hand as you took your last breath...

And yet here we were, drinking tea, and bickering over chocolate.
It was a mistake you told me.
You hadn't died!
You woke up in the morgue, and had only just found your way home.
"*******" I thought.
Who on earth did we hold the funeral for?
You laughed as I worried about the mix up.
"This is serious!" I said.
But you kept on ****** laughing.
Always did have a dark sense of humour you.
My tea went cold as I wondered how I was going to tell everyone you were alive.
Then I opened my eyes.
Tears stung them to life.
And then I realised that you were gone.
Relieved I didn't have to tell people of the awful mistake.
I was happy.
Happy you visited.
Happy you know where to find me...

Dear mum,
I was aware that you were hesitant with me
I could sense it since I was new.
I still have dreams of being suffocated, mum.
I always wonder if this is because of you.

Dear mum,
at the age of three, you gave a little brother to me
But I knew I'd starve for your attention.
How I wish you could have noticed my sorrow, mum.
How could you ignore my desperation?

Dear mum,
as time passed on,
I knew I was alway second, mum
you liked to make it obvious,
something I never could grasp,
one of my most difficult conundrums.
I longed for your love, never to receive
but instead shame and guilt
you would bring down on me.
Your words more painful than your hands, mum,
as brother would watch with a smirk.
the missing comfort of a mothers love
I knew if I wanted it, I would have to work.

Dear mum,
I am a young woman now
and I am tired of trying to prove to you
the things you seem to be unable to see
the smart, caring person I have grown into.
Now that you are older mum,
I have little to give to you.
Now you are starving for MY love, mum
and I don't think thats something I can do.

I pray one day you won't be so ignorant, mum,
of the things you continue to put me through.
I hope soon I will be good enough
so I can learn to love you too.

A day for celebration
of being brought into her nest
A day when everybody says
My mother is the best

But, what about the other days
we do not recognize
Is your mother still the best one
Or is all you say just lies?

They give us life
They clean us up
give us strength
when we have none
even when they ground us
is she still the bestest mom?

Even on this day of days
That we celebrate all she did
When you try to make her happy
You are still her little kid

In our house when I grew up
Mothers Day was one for Dad
When mom could have the house alone
We'd all leave and she was glad

She loves you when you are not there
She is a mentor as you age
The things she said when you were young
Now make her sound more like a sage

So, take this time to celebrate
Your mother....have a laugh
Gather up the whole fam damily
And leave mom....to have a bath!!!!

Mum I love you,
More than I can say,
And more than I can do,
I cannot live a day
Without seeing you,
Without giving you
My morning Kiss,
Without holding you
Around my arms,

You where the one,
That took care of me,
That listened to me,
You where my only friend
When I had none,
You where the one
That mended my heart,
When it was broken,

So I thank you Mum
For being the best one !

Have you ever stood outside
On a cold and windy day
And felt what the wind tastes like
As it moves along it's way ?

Have you tasted wind in summer
Hot and sticky in your throat
Have you tasted it while fishing
Standing on a sailing boat?

Have you tasted wind and liked it
Just before a summer storm
As it flows down past your gullet
Is it beautiful and warm ?

It is a simple gesture
Standing, tasting moving air
I don't think you'd really notice
Until it wasn't there

Esopheagal cancer
Stops the wind inside the throat
the simple act of tasting wind
Is now something in my note

Now, think of tasting wind again
Try tasting through a mask
You try but cannot taste it
It's not a simple task

Enjoy the feeling of the wind
Remember how it tastes
Different seasons, different textures
It's a feeling not to waste.

I still remember
the night you told me
That you'll do anything for me
The night your eyes were covered by tears
You told me that you loved me
You my dear mother
The inspiration of my life
I dont want you to get hurt
But i still hurt you
I dont want to see you cry
But i still make you cry
I'm sorry for each little tears
that flowed from your eyes
because of me
I wish i could make your life better
By being better

This isn't much of a poem
But it's been weeks since I've slept well
Thoughts that crowd my mind at this hour
To the outside, I can never tell

I have a pain in my chest
And I fear the uncertainty
That if I fall asleep tonight
Tomorrow, what would become of me?

What if I don't wake up?
Or what if I wake up alone?
Can I really make this life work
Without the person I call home?

Stay, please.