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Joshua Phelps Sep 2023
Lately, I feel
Out of it these
Days

Life seems to
Drag me down
And I know

In the end,
I’ll be fine.

I remember those
Winter days,

Nearly ten years ago,
When we met in a haze.

Lust turned to love,
And over the years,
we burned out,

Just like the flickering of
The flames in a silent film,

Never making a sound.

Now I live with
The memories,
That plague my mind,

Playing track-by-track,
Just like a CD, singing

The good and the bad times.

I look around
The corner

Between St. Louis
And the town that
I live in,

Remembering how I
Used to drive past

The city lights,
Months after the crash.

I remember how it
Haunted me,
Every single time.

Now I’m stuck
In an endless cycle,
Far from fine.

It seems life
Likes to drag
me down,

Just like the
Memories that plague
My mind.

I’m doing everything
I can to be more than
Fine.
Joshua Phelps Sep 2023
turns out memories
aren't just silly dreams.

feels like yesterday,
before we went our
separate ways,

regrets,
words i thought
i'd never say

broken at every turn,
and lost along the way.

then just like the time
slips idly by,

i watched you
slip away, memories
of yesterday, fading into
the sun.

Just like photographs,
still frames in my head,
it's hard to move forward
when i have so much to say.

but at least i can say,
i've had a good run
instead.

turns out memories
aren't just silly dreams

feels like yesterday,
before we went our
separate ways

and i know
mistakes were made
along the way.

but in order
to move forward in
life,

i know there's
hurt somewhere between
yesterday and today.

it's not over at 30,
and i know my time
isn't done.

love comes and goes,
but i don't want to be
the one who got away

when i think
i may have finally
found the one.

turns out memories,
aren't just silly dreams

and i know we've
gone our separate ways

but just like how time
moves forward, i know

that new memories
can be made
along the way.
Joshua Phelps Sep 2023
Heartstrings frayed and  
weathered.

Scarred, and afraid
to weather the storms.

But to heal,  
you know you’ve got to swim
to better days ahead.

All you can do
is all you can,

A push comes to
shove,  

and within time,
the feeling of
love

saves you from  
being buried within.
The odd thing
About the constant moving
Of a life grown up on the road

Is the people you meet
Know you will leave
And so you get their best

However brief
Thankful for all of the positive people in my life, and those that have gone
The caterpillar marches
Munching from leaf to leaf to leaf
He doesn’t know where he’s going
He doesn’t know where he’s been
He only knows the munching
The hunger in his gut
The fire in his belly
Antennae pointing up
Vigilant for predators
Water and leaves
He doesn’t know where he’s going
It matters not where he’s been

The caterpillar weaves
Instinctively without knowing
Why he must, but weaves he does
A cocoon for the growing
The caterpillar digests himself
Dissolving into soup
Becoming a pod of pain and tears
And caterpillar goop
Alone for weeks he suffers
Reconfiguring
His whole body becoming
A new kind of being

No idea what he’s becoming
No idea what’s in store
Suddenly caterpillar emerges
More beautiful than before
Stronger and more delicate
Lighter than the air
Ready for love and lofty height
A sight beautiful and rare
The butterfly does not look back
To the caterpillar he was
The butterfly flies forward
Embracing whatever comes
Regal, reserved;
Jaundiced youth.
Reasoning mad,
The mind of an absurd,
Without Camus, with no Kierkegaard.
Knowledge gleamed from living hard,
The blurred tatters of the patchwork memory,
Loose sense of self,
And fragmented morals.
Abuses have left their scars.
I know you hurt,
When you cut yourself.
“This isn’t working.”
What a funny way to say that you’re leaving
A phrase that is arguably too simple for the mess it leaves behind

“It isn’t your fault.”
A cliche if I’ve ever heard one,
And trust me, I’ve heard many over the years

“I wasn’t ready.”
A funny thing to say
When you know at the beginning of anything
Whether you’re ready for it or not

And… “I don’t have time.”
And that’s what it all comes down to,
Isn’t it?

You didn’t have time to deal with me
Didn’t have time to communicate
Didn’t have time to put in the work

You didn’t want to MAKE time
Because I guess you never really
Cared about me in the first place
I'm still thinking of you, three months after everything, and I know it isn't fair to the people I love, but sometimes, you become addicted to the pain of wishing things had gone differently...
Eve K Oct 2022
The burn I feel in my chest when the thoughts of leaving you, is like no other.
You're great, sisters, father, nephew and mother
I cry tears, tears of joy, tears of sorrow but it still hurts. One more moment I wish for more.

But I must keep growing, and my future is away.
I'm scared, I'm fearful but I cannot stay.
I must go onto new things.
My heart for a different country it sings.
I wish I could pack you all up and take you with me.
But your lives are here, I know, I can see.

The memories I carry, I'll carry overseas
The excitement that awaits buzzing in my brain like a swarm of bees
I'm hopeful for once, Thanks to all of you
My heart is no longer heavy, I can see more than blue.

We aren't gone, just a call away
I wish I could take you all with me, but my destiny's not to stay.
With my heart wide open, I love you all
******* my sunshine, next time I see you, you'll be so tall

To the moon and back around.
When I message you'll be sleep a sound.
But you'll wake up the morning after next
To an excited, happy, single text.
I love you my family, I love you a lot
I'll be laughing, I'll be crying, Because you, my family is what I've got
Moving overseas soon. At least it feels very real. To start a life elsewhere. <3 <3 My family have supported me over the past few years and we have grown closer that I ever thought. I love them all so dearly, my quirky little family.
Jules Harper Sep 2022
Toy plane flying
Yellow is playful
For sliders queuing
Wanting all the thrills

Life worth living
What’s waiting ahead
Deep breath, leaping
Look back to my friends

Kids keep fighting
All for turn table
One start crying
Other walk the road

Parents’re watching
Tourists getting lost
Higher swinging
Pigeons leave their flocks

Many’s happening
In the park of mind
So overwhelming
But I know I’ll do just fine
First time moving away from home. It’s for only 3 months but it’s surreal and overwhelming. Love the freedom but also scared of the possibilities. I know I can do it swiftly, I just cannot help but be anxious.
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