I think about her fingers gripping your back
I hear nails on a chalkboard
You whispering to her in the dead of the night,
move over, love, you’re hogging the blanket
White noise in my ears
my head hurts, your voice rattles inside and ricochets off the walls of my mind
I stop hearing you after a while
The walls are padded now
You are only in my head these days
I’d rather have you hurt than have you nothing
It was worse than a screaming, breathless argument
When I kissed and kissed and touched
but you did not move
I could not move you, could no longer make you feel
No matter how tightly I closed my eyes
I could still see how little you loved me
No matter how hard I tried not to grip your fingers like I was falling from a cliff
I still felt your hand cramping from the effort to stay in mine
I will never say that you did not try
You used to believe in things like magic and yourself
Yet, here you are saying, ‘love doesn’t really matter at all, does it?’
and I made you this way
My sharp edges cut you
Someone someday standing where I once stood
She’ll smile like it’s second-nature, and have a laugh that isn’t forced
She’ll taste like me but less bitter, with hair far softer, her speech not course

It doesn't matter if I'm down
This time I won't turn around
Stop calling my name
A simple smile doesn't count
'Cause it's all a lie

(chorus)
Look inside, inside of me
I want to believe
But I fear each step I make,
Will only be another mistake
This is what I hold inside of me

Funny how the dearest of things
Are the easiest to lose
You're always there
To scream at me
Nothing is to be kept
Old trees are swaying
But, don't lean on me

(chorus)

Underneath this skin
Is something you'll
never see.

(chorus)
Look inside, inside of me
I want to believe
But I fear each step I make,
Will only be another mistake
This is what I hold inside of me

This is what I hold...
inside of me.

Run,
run as fast as you can,
you need to go another mile
another mile until the end
and then it all starts again
give more, push harder, you see
don't you ever stumble, fool
the wolves are right behind you
happy to eat you alive
they feed on your every fall
they grow with every blunder
whatever you do, just move on
never look back
they are right behind you.

when will i stop making mistakes
the ones that ache
the ones that break
the hearts of others
that heart of yours
that scars
when you think of the hate
that you have for this world
and for fate
which a given you a hand of cards
that is the reason for most of your mistakes
when you meet someone
and decide not to fake it
but then they see your mistakes
and decide to make
them larger than life
because your life is so small
so very small and it hurts to realize
that you don't mean as much
to the person you love
to the person you trust
as you thought
as you ought
to mean
your sadness makes
you make mistakes
that ache
that break
the hearts of others
your heart that hates
and makes mistakes

Before, i was scared
Of talking
Of speaking
As if the words i utter
Were acid pouring from my lips
Toxic to anyone would here them
So i stayed silent
Subservient
To other people
But words , words dont just give up
They want to heard
To be listened
Some words go out
But i always take them back
Why would people want to hear
Words that arent even good?
Arent even right?
But they need to be let out.
So i wrote them down
On napkins, on blackboards
On the sides of my textbooks
On anywhere that can be written with ink or lead or chalk or anything that can be written down
So words filled the sides
Filling them with nouns
Adjectives , similes, metaphors,
, until the sides couldnt take it anymore
They need a blank page
But u wrote on top of the words , on the right, the left
So the words overflowed
But not as i thought
They flowed on the other side
On the front page
I tried to stop them ,
Prevent them from going there
Because someelses words were already there
But i couldnt
when they hit , they didnt clash
fight  , didnt
But they greeted each other like they were old friends
I was behind them
The words
And someone was behind them
There was a person
I said sorry, apologized
But he just smiled, and said , i was waiting for you to make that mistake

Spoken Word Poetry.

Prosecute me.
Feed me to the wolves.
I cannot live
              with what I have done to you.

I am beastly.
Pale behind the curtain.
Thick with the deceit
              you have cut through.

You are calm.
In this sea of heresy.
You are the light in my day, illuminating.

That's why it's frustrating,
And grating,
When I think of us copulating.

Systematic mating.
              Somewhat creating.

All because I am hating
Who you have made me in to.

This pulsating,
              agitating,
                              being.

Alienating instead of
                          a l l e v i a t i n g
                          this excruciating complexity.  

I was detonating.

And it -
           it was fascinating.

Not it.
That was just penetrating.

Suffocating and terminating my bond with you.

Separating.

So that I could begin accelerating

And clearly  a r t i c u l a t i n g
Who I really wanted to be.

It was   i n c a p a c i t a t i n g.
And yet intoxicating.

Because you are what I want.
Despite it all.
I want you.

So prosecute me.

Please feed me to the wolves.
I cannot live with what I have done to you.

You are calm.
Whilst I am on fire.

When you see your old love.
You see her happy
Smiling and shining like the sun.
Knowing that she's living her life without you.
Knowing that you treated her wrong to the point of a broken bond.
There ain't going back to it now.
Even if it's been five years.
And now I see the one thing I wished I did.
A lucky soul got the chance to put the ring on your finger.
I'm not mad I'm just sad but content.
Knowing the fact that could of been me but I blew it before I knew it.
Seeing you smile and shining like the sun.
You always are going to be my high school love.
And I wished I could go back and change time.
But I learned to be a better person because of you.
I learned to never take anything for granite. Your an angel and always will be one.
It took all of my teen years to finally forgive myself.
But to be honest with you.
I'm happy.
I'm happy that my sweetheart found happiness.
And I'm proud to say you were an important part of my life. Who knows if are paths will cross in another lifetime.
But you will always be my first Love.
And thank you.
Your an angel that deserves everything this world has to offer. Maybe this is the epilogue in the final chapter of our book.
Or maybe it's the ****** till the next one in the series.
But to this day before and after
I pray that your happiness last and your smiles keeps shining.

I once wondered if I would ever have a Bryson Tiller moment...
That “I'm back and I'm better" vibe.
In hindsight, I think, “Wait, I've woken up every morning, right?
Shouldn't I start by thanking God that I'm even alive?"

“Tomorrow never comes", some say.
“Live everyday like it's your last."
Well I agree that we live in today,
But I will not let my future regret its past.

Take every mistake, every moment you wish that was not,
And look at it in a different light.
If you had not walked down that path
You could have suffered a more dangerous plight.

At times its the decisions we don't make that matter most,
For they shape what could have been.
What's more important is whether what was not
Would have been a blessing or a sin.