he said that this doesn't change anything,
that he doesn't love me any less,

except there was a change,
this time around I broke my own heart,
and for that I loved myself less.

Trying to get ahead
but I can't silence all these thoughts inside of my head.
Looking everywhere for a place to reset. Get a grip.
But my demons are screaming so loud it's like I'm on a bad trip. They say god never gives us more than we can take.
But I don't know how much longer I can hold my breath
before I find myself at the bottom of the lake.
I clutch my chest gasping for air,
and with my hand on my heart,
I pray for another day; a chance to prove I deserve a new start.
I close my eyes one last time and let myself go.
The demons leave my mind, body and soul.
I feel a rush come over and open my eyes
to realize it was all a dream; I'm still alive.
Now that I made it through, my mission is clear.
I know what to do. I now have a purpose:
use my experiences to help the broken and scarred find their faith, and help them believe loving, living, fighting is not a mistake.

I recently called out a mate over text for ghosting me
And he actually apologized
Yes, you were a ****** friend
Glad you admitted that

And yes
I am still quite hurt
You are on this website
So the odds of you seeing this are high
But you really did hurt me
I love you
But I'm hurt

I can't be open with stuff again
You broke that trust
I'm not gonna tell you stuff

I wondering if I forgive you what would happen,
You know both of our life is messed up,
It's kinda hard for me to explain our relationship together,

Are we going to regret our decision later?
I always ask myself do I really HATE you?
or is this to save me from hurting more than it was.

I have blurry memory,
People face, scenery and what the conversation is in the past,
Doctor said my mind just blocking the memory,
from flashing at my eyes,
Even my body protect me from getting this suicidal life.

I always ask why you do it?
Why can't you just cherish us?
In the end, I see myself 5 years old,
Standing with the fluffy red eyes,
tears streaming down the round cheeks,
hugging herself and whispering...
Enough..please no more...
No more...

And the end...
Some mistake gets made,
Some its alright and some are not..

All it took was one mistake
to change my life forever

I dreamt about you again last night.
Nothing bad nothing raunchy,
I guess I just miss you.
I'll admit it
I made a mistake.
You said yes to me
I said no to you.
Perhaps we weren't
meant to be.
It isn't that easy though.
Is it ever
that easy.
If you weren't
meant to be mine,
why don't you leave
my mind?

Want to know
what I think?
The fates had something
absolutely, grand
planned for us.
Those three
twisted, dastardly
women had given us
to each other
at the wrong time.
An issue that they only
make once every eon.
I would love to call
them and complain.
Instead, I dream about
you every single
night, and cry about
you every morning.