I started feeling again
Happiness,
Love,
Warmth.
For you,
With you.

         I miss you  ♥

I shouldn't be up this late
I have work in the morning
I hate my boss
I hate my job
I'd quit if I didn't need the money
But I can't stop the drinking
And I can't shake the feeling
Of you on my lips
I'm cursed forever
With the taste of your kiss
And your hands on my hips

I need someoone to help
Did I tell you I'm drinking
I hate this taste
I say hate too much
Is that why you left me lonely
But I can't stop the drinking
And I can't shake the feeling
Of being alone
I'll guess I'll get use to this
Or at least try
  
Everything feels so strange
And I know I am up too late
But
I'm smoking the buds of your cigarettes
Just to be where your lips have been
I'm only doing this all because I think that I need it
It's as close as I can get to you

Yeah as close as I can get
(As close as I'll ever be)
As close I can get to you

I'm smoking the buds of your cigarettes
The ones you left in the ash tray
During our last conversation
I'm wearing your t shirts
I'm listening to your favorite mix tape
I'm only doing this all because I think that I need it
It's as close as I can get to you

But maybe I misread the moon.
(She never hides things for long).
You never gave me the chance
to understand why you hate me.

But maybe this is Her way of saying:
by having you completely gone
A new path can finally be cleared.

the sun goes down
whenever you leave
it always hurts less
when you're next to me
the moon is out
and the flowers miss the sun
i wish you were here
my dear, my only one

i am an addict.
i have always been an addict since as far as i can remember

i easily get addicted
to people
to bad habits
to drugs and alcohol
to the past

i am an addict
but i don't want to be one anymore

i am letting go of the people i put far too much time into
too much emotion and care without getting anything in return
i am done letting the people who dont care about me to have so much power over me

i am go of bad habits
i am done hurting myself, this one is going to be hard because self-harm is the best way i know how to cope with how i am feeling. i know its not healthy and hurting myself may make me feel better at the moment but will only make things worse

i am letting go of drugs and alcohol. i cant keep ruining my life just to escape reality for a bit then just snap back into reality and do it again. my body is my home and whether i like it or not it will always be. i need to take care of myself

and finally, i am letting go of the past
i need to stop reminiscing about the past and only think about the present and future
i cant change anything that has happened, i cant make the people who have left my past and i definitely cant force broken bonds back to normal no matter how much it hurts

i am an addict
and i have been for as long as far as i can remember
but i dont want to be one anymore