she get suffocated
by her own thoughts,
drowning into
melancholic waves,
gripped by her self doubts

the demons feasting
her soul,
she's choking in sobs,
heart deflating,

voices speaks during
her weakest hours,
she might give in
and be their prey

here goes another sleepless night with an uneasy heart,
the girl still wishes for the love she believes she deserves.
she longed, and longed, longed for much too long.
she knows her knife is never sharp enough to ****** her fear.

her mind is always heavy, running ragged with the worst-case scenario.
looping round and round, she couldn't find the emergency exit.

how does it feel like to be loved, by you?
to feel the love i had when i first met you
maybe i made a mistake that he turned away, maybe i pushed the wrong button.
i'm sorry—if it's the truth—can we start over?
fill my hollow gap, live in the void where you left.

you said you'd grow old with me, that i've never heard since the last time i thought you'd madly fallen in love with me.
i ask god, "how much does it take to have you back, like you used to? i'd go broke just to have it once more."

i made many sacrifices, but nothing ever seemed to fall into place; how long should I wait?

sometimes i wish i could beg for forgiveness to myself,
for putting her to an endless torture with no answer to its questions.

i love him too much; i should've thought twice.

A land fought over from antiquity,
It's fertile plains and mountains steep,
Coveted and plundered with iniquity,
It's people slaughtered as helpless sheep.

From Alexander, through Genghis Khan,
Invading hordes without respite
Killing all to the last man,
Sowing misery and plight.

They in turn spawned ruling lords,
But the circle didn't cease,
Yet more came with thrusting swords,
No nobler reason than to fleece.

Empires came then empires went,
Their legacy imprinted on its people,
A motley quilt of rich descent,
Sullen faces altered by each sequel.

So what now this time of gloom,
As darkness spreads once more,
Freedom quashed, for thought no room,
Supplanted only by misery and war.

And yet a shard of light may still exist,
Despite their new Master’s crushing hand,
If these hardy people can persist,
They may well in time reclaim their land.

has taken over my mind,
paralyzing me in a state of
never-ending purgatory.
and I love every minute
of it.

Take it all out onto the world
And punish the innocent bystander.
Hold the gun up to yourself,
And catch them in the crossfire.

Must I remind you
That there is mystery in the love that you seek?
There are delusions in the secrets that you keep.

Take your philosophy as scripture
And crucify the heretic.
Indeed, you've become somewhat of a prophet but
You get revelations from ego,
And I am wondering,
How far are you willing to go?

How amusing for a clump of clay to make so much waste,
For a cluster of atoms to take up so much space,
For a speck of dust to be so loud!

Misery loves company,
And you've got yourself a whole crowd!

Misery loves company,
And you have made it your life's mission
To make the miserable proud.

It’s bones echo as her song is sung in sorrow
Petrified eyes wander aimlessly until they’re hidden
Reclusive below an endless sea of regret engulfing the path to forgiveness
They swell like flesh that’s been kissed by the blazes of hell
Rising above the intoxicating waves of silk and misery
To gaze upon the sun until it rests

Her head of protruding thoughts ignites while she rests
Inundated in everlasting sorrow
The variables given only result in misery
It’s soul once residing within is now hidden
Lost forever it dredges forgiveness
Such tragedies must only exist in hell

It’s destiny slips through it’s weak hands reminding it, this is hell
Reminding it to cherish each passing moment it has left with her, envisaging forgiveness
Letting all be know and nothing hidden
In hopes for redemption and a life free of sorrow
Yet alone her broken body rests
Reflecting its misery

The black of night is its cloak of misery
And her misery and brokenness is it’s Hell
Her song harmonizes to its sorrow
Putting their calamity to rest
Revealing sprouts of change which lay beneath the ash hidden
Waiting for a new tomorrows light and the rains of forgiveness

Time heals all things so in time comes forgivenesses
It tells itself so it can rest
Perhaps times cold slumber will extinguish it’s hell
Perhaps it will sit and wait still in misery
Remembering the circumstance which brought about such sorrow
Letting it be shown and not hidden

It prays her love is not lost, only hidden
Prays for growth and happiness exchanging misery
It prays so that it can rest
Her smile and warm embrace prove the existence of forgiveness
Or is this still hell
Is this inevitable sorrow

Forever in sorrow the light is hidden
This dark hell torments it’s heart with misery
Forgiveness illuminates it’s consciousness putting its demons to rest

She sets the dinner table
Sits down and places a napkin on her laps
Fills her wine glass and
With every sip of gasoline
She sparks a conversation
With the demons awakened
By the ruins of her childhood
©CathyDevan