I've forgotten how to do damage with a pen
All I remember is how to slash these swords against my skin
Crimson drips from the mutilated canvas and,
suddenly,
it becomes interesting
The candyman promised his stuff was the good kind
Guess he forgot to mention with every high comes a goodbye
I'm a ticking time bomb
And I hear the clock ticking
Tick tick tick
But suddenly every tick becomes a good time when I remember
That the end of every goodbye becomes the chance for a new high

bipolar dreams
you think you know about these things
how they go from right to left so seamlessly
how i go from up and down
and you’ll ever notice the change in the symphony
my instruments plays melancholy and the next a beautiful sunrise victory
some days i can laugh when nothing is in front of me
then another i'm crying until my heart atrophies

they put my on theses meds that made me my feel like my skin was crawling
my eyes appeared dry but i couldn’t stop from bawling
i feel like i have whiplash from a rollercoaster at six flags
its funny because when i'm manic my favorite color is yellow but when i'm sad its the most disgusting thing ive ever seen
i'm stuck living in these bipolar dreams
they say nothing is ever as it seems
but have you looked in the mirror and seen a black void where your brain should be
that your serotonin isn’t mixing with your dopamine

this is how your life is when your neurotransmitters don’t work properly

This wound is different..
This wound isn't the same as the past..
Wounds that are invisible but feel real..
I don't like this pain to be repeated..
A knife that stabbed in the back..
I'm tired with of all this drama..
Different wounds but have the same pain..
Different weapons but injuring the same place..

With all of the kindness, madness, happiness, sadness, rudeness, and every feeling of taste..
The weapons hurt without feeling..
Day by day the pain is still exist..
I don't know what kind of medicine can handle this...

Sour scented citrus,
Sweet, slimy syrup.
That’s me!
Sour lemon,
Sweet honey.

My heart burns and
Emotions rise up
In acidic scent,
Sticky, icky, stingy
Sour lemon sweet honey.

The love stings and sits on cuts.
While honey glazes and gives warm hugs
As it finds a cure in the blood
Wherever it may be
With the right combination of:
Sour lemon and sweet honey.

My heart is the home of squandered potential,
Depression sets in,
Cement the state and fall away into my usual state of mind.

The mirror I trod upon is the unfalling foe,
Introspection's regressions feed the deathless ranks of anxieties,
With but nothing left to say,
Nary a hopeless smile althewhile.

Pop another pill to drown tomorrow's sorrows,
With today's having a long way yet to go.

...I’m lying here wanting to die again...
...I don’t even care that I’ll die alone...
Don’t take me to heaven
...nor to hell.
Blot out my existence! (xXPLEASE GODXx)
Past, present, and future
...with me you clearly made a mistake
of which I could break the silence.
...
SCREAM your flaw out to the masses.
6(an un6eliever with a weapon)6
END MY MISERY AND THEY’LL NEVER KNOW
it’ll be our secret vow
///!!!/// :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:( ///!!!///
R   x
——  
I’m lying here wanting to get high:) again
...do my usual late night routine...
Chop the PiLLs/Chop the pOwDeR
Smoke break/Smoke break/Smoke break
snort away the self loathing (check)
*** I’M SUCH A WRECK :( ;) :(
smoke away the recurring memories
XOXO Vanessa/Nadia/Teigen/Anna
Gosh **** I feel good :):)
**** I feel ******* great:):):):):)<3<3<3
When I’m this high I can feel your breath (ooooohhhhhhh)
I can interlace my fingers with yours (awwwwwww!)
But I still can’t feel love (srsly?)
So it’s not enough (glutinous pig)
I’m still treading on infinite horizons
It’s all just too **** blue!
Theme-song/Hymn/Life-story
My favourite/My curse
theroxyblues

...I’m lying here picturing you again...
You look like a cowgirl(8)
You’re emo(9), punk(9), and goth(9)
Addict(10$$$JACKPOT$$$10)(my seventh heaven!)
A princess <3
...A sloth (Zzz)
I love (XO) my bed
You love (XO) yours
We never had the chance (******* **** me)
Suicidal ideation
Release the excess pressure.
But now I laugh instead of feeling
And cry when they all smile.

I feel ******* drugged
I mean... yeah... I guess I am...
Artificial feelings
Laughing a bit too long...
Missing things...
Miscounting..
I’m just... scattered
But I feel okay
I feel better...?