Kneeling down
        Speaking to God
        His black eyes scream forgiveness
        The sound gives me goosebumps

    You see
                  I've done things most would consider a bit unusual
  But I've always deserved it
     A razorblade horizontally drug across my lips reminded me to never talk back
     Embedding shards of glass in my legs one by one reminded me to never run away from my problems
              
            After everyone died there were questions I could never say the real answer to
          
        You were there to hear the truth, always were
        Beside me, behind me, beneath me
    You never loved me enough to be inside, but it was ok because your mystique kept me inebriated

    The questions never stopped the rooms got smaller and I had to run
       I had to leave. You came with me

    I hated myself for not staying. And when the pieces of glass weren't enough, I understood I deserved a worse punishment, I lit a cigarette and started my trusty chainsaw
   And after I was finished even you shrunk away from me, my flat friend made of blackness where did you go?

       Now all I have is God.
He listens okay, but he's not like you. With my decimated body leaning against my bed, I look into his two deep dark hollow eyes, I bring his eyes closer, into my mouth, and finally he talks back. He says *bang

You came into this world screaming for your right to be loved,
please don’t think you have to leave the same way.  
I know what it’s like to crush pills every night just so you can break something other than yourself, but darling, love doesn’t exist in powder.
Remember that inside of you are crashing galaxies; every fiber of your being resonates with tragedy and stardust,
and there is someone out there who will want to crawl into the folds of your universe.
However, there will be days that even ghosts can’t see you,
but just remember that you don’t have to search for approval in the arms of strangers.
It won’t be there.
The only thing you’ll find is trouble.
When you notice that lovers repeatedly treat you like a puddle, stepping
over you and carrying on with their life, know that that’s not what you are.
You are an ocean, ebbing and flowing with the moons magnetism.
Calm enough to carry the burdens of others,
but powerful enough to drown them.
It’s not easy realizing that everyone you have ever loved has never loved you, but neither is pretending to be a *******.
So give away paper mâché versions of your heart, one after the other,
until you find the person who notices the difference
between something living and something dead.
Until you find the person who is willing to ask about your real heart.  
There is no reason that you should not be loved.

I am a *******
Only it doesn't show on my arm or my wrist
I am an abuser of the heart, the soul.
No other words can describe it - I enjoy the pain of heartbreak.
Do I feel a rush every time you forget about me? Do I go on a high when you put me down? Do I crave the silence, the awkward looks, the indifference?
YES!
Is this pain the only thing my heart will ever witness?
YES!!
You are the pain giver; you cause these wounds
But if I'm a *******, I should be grateful to you.

"hurt me"* I cried aloud for I squirmed and ached
in anticipation from the most passionate and intimate pain.
I feel swell, sweaty and blatant lust
He seams his lips within it's reach
as I scream internally **'I want to feel you inside me!'

Don't be mad at me when I lie to you
Tell you I'm okay
The days that are bad are the days that I'm smiling
******* laughing at my blood
Stab me, stop being kind
Only spend time with people who hurt me
Use me, hit me, pick me apart, crush me
Don't ask me what I ate or if I drank
Don't be mad at me when I lie to you
Laugh you off, flip my hair
Don't let the pretty colors fool you
I'm not the church girl you think I am
Don't let the brains fool you
I'm not the try hard you think I am
Don't let the smiles fool you
I don't have a cure
Don't be mad at me when I lie to you
And tell you I'm fine