Despite how it looks, I forget about you a lot,
I think I do, at least, I've gotten better this year.
This semester took me for a spin, I threw up everything,
but I threw out nothing, just tucked away our belongings,
they gather dust but they wouldn't burn so I kept them,
I've gotten better this year, I think I have at least
It's funny how in March I thought I was dying and
since then I've been using the same sheets because
they smell like you.


You are at the bottom of my cup,
you are residue I didn't finish up,
you are left behind,
bitter taste in my mouth,
you are what I complain about,
but I still make time every day,
to drink until I'm sick,
just to make sure you're still there,
and to feel just as pathethic

You haunted me
all through the night
thank you
for keeping me company
darling
please do it again

low hum, cold rain
i take three extra pills to focus on anything
but you
and how i was so proud to show you off
i put you up on a shelf
made sure you never got *****,
i was so proud to call you mine,
to have something of my own
that i forgot to lock the door to my own home
and let everybody in,
and they took everything
i was so scatter brained with you
trying to make you happy
planning my next move,
i never paid attention to my own pieces
and now they're broken
and i don't even have the energy to put them back together
i was so proud to call you mine
when you barely knew you were half the time

i'm a little bit confused
'cause with your attitude
i'm really getting in the mood
but if this is gonna be
casual intimacy
then i might as well
consider myself
*******.

Like turning off the light but leaving on the lamp,
you can see the corner of the room where it is,
where the boxes of pictures collect dust,
where the old letters start to rip
but you keep the lamp on
for fear of losing sight
of boxes you hide
from yourself
you lie


you miss him
and you pretend you don't
you feel it every time you kiss another
inside you tighten up and get a chill in your bones
you put the memories away but will not throw them out
becuase in the back of the room you still see the door by the lamp
and you still wish he would come through it and say he's figured it out

i feel i am an acquired taste
maybe i'm not everyone's
cup of tea
i am one who will
not always
have the right words to say
but will search high and low
even down the back of the couch
to find ones that will fit
to make you smile
just so i know
you are happy

i won't always have the answers
to life's whys
and wherefores
but if you give me reason
i will believe in you
and follow your lead
to the ends of the earth

my only pleasure
will be in
my giving you
pleasure
i seem to be
wired
that way
it's just how
my heart works
i'm soft
and i can't change it
no matter how hard
i try

i guess most others
want the one
they share their life with
to have spirit
to be feisty
to be strong

but i am very often
none of those things
but
in my own way
i am them all

so
i come as a package deal
complete with fairy lights
a quiet soul
and a sunny disposition
i don't know if that's annoying
probably is
but like i said
i'm not everyone's
cup of tea

but i like coffee
so maybe it doesn't matter
all that much

so for now
i will keep it
to myself
for when the moment comes
and someone asks
to take me out to tea

until then
i will wait
patiently
with hope
behind my eyes
eyes which will always
look upon you
in wonder

23h27

nothing to do
thinking of her
tiny bit of jealousy towards her having fun without me
decided to search for her address
like her house in Google maps
just for fun
and because I'm emotionally attached to it
the view from her window
the tall windows
in the density of this
sunburnt roman city
she's shown me all of it
but never told me
where it was exactly.

Where she is.
I have got to know
in case she isn't anymore

I had already failed
twice
too much houses in Nîmes
too much school in the city centre
(there's one Street opposite to hers)
I had stopped after an hour only.
Now I would succeed.

Nimes on Maps
List of elementary schools
first try.
nope (doesn't look like the view she showed me)
second
nope again
third



she was there

Did you sit on sugar?
because you got a sweet ***
XD

There’s this void in my heart
A terminal illness, I was bound to die from the start
Day by day it slowly gets bigger
And so the amount of pain it does trigger
I don’t consider this to be living
And I think, Why is life so unforgiving?
But somehow I get through it
Now that I think about it, there is one secret
There is one thing that makes the pain all the more worthwhile
And it never fails to give me a smile
Always there when needed
And without it I never would have succeeded
This thing makes my body numb and fills me with joy
It makes me feel alive like a newborn baby boy
It caresses me dearly
Helps me see the world clearly
Because of this thing I feel brand new
Dont be surprised when I say this thing is you