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Rei Coman Oct 26
Every morning I lock myself in the closet.
I look myself in the eyes and sigh,
before I bind my hands and shove myself in.
I lock the door.
There are many locks. Bolts too.
Big ones, small ones
Old ones, new ones
I fasten them all before I leave.

I cry to myself as I sit in the dark,
my arms numb from my restraints.
Even as each day grinds past
and responsibilities come and go.
Sometimes when I get home at night
I will kick the door
to remind myself I'm still in there.
The locks rattle and strain.
I yell at myself to shut up.

I hate what's beyond that door.

I wish she'd stay quiet.
I wish he'd set me free.
Rei Coman Sep 10
my brain is buzzing buzzing in so many ways like electric crackling through boiling sand in my calcified hollow behind eyes between ears that hear the buzzing oh my god the buzzing each time I turn my neck spasms like it's full of melted wax and acid like it's in panic but I have to focus focus focus focus focus switch off the lights and smash the bulbs and frantically tape the edges of the curtains to hold in the comforting darkness but still the buzzing all around shut off my senses flood me with anything cut off from everything except for me but if I cut that too then what am I left without myself inside my head just the buzzing buzzing searing boiling buzzing buzzing buzzing
Rei Coman Aug 6
feet in the soil
stretch towards the sky
my life is so short
so I pray for the rain

last night I was born
tomorrow I rot
let me watch
the moon rise

before I wither
Rei Coman Jul 18
Give me an address
of someone who cares.

Give me the referral
to make them let me in.

Give me the money
to pay them for caring.

I’m begging you, pleading:

Give me what it takes
to make the pain go away.
Rei Coman Jul 4
All I knew is gone now,
I think.

Even the place I slept at night
is barren and strange.
Lights shine in windows,
but inside it is silent.

Even the people I called friends
are as distant to me
as dry spires in a desert,
breaking the shifting horizon.

Even my own beautiful eyes
betray no emotion to me:
only the puzzled gaze
of a stranger I thought I knew.
Rei Coman Jun 20
Each day, the horrid insects return.
They pull me
downwards, away from all I know.

Ten thousand tiny wings,
thirty thousand minuscule legs.
They drag me,
body buzzing with the life they give
into the twilight of dysfunction.

The slow, bulbous doubts, the ghastly
creeping terrors, the venomous dreads
and spindly, chitinous uncertainties.
They eat me
Gnawing away at everything I am,
Until I look in the mirror and do not see
A familiar face staring back.

So I **** them all, without mercy,
Until not a membranous wing still beats.
I flood their wretched exoskeletons
With the cleansing, toxic mists of
Insecticide.
I drown myself in the poison, pushing
away the deep dark and swimming upwards
towards the gentle, comforting light of day.
My head breaks the surface, gasping.

But as I breathe deep, I do not turn back
To see the trail of butterflies
Floating dead among the carnage.
#insects #mentalhealth
Rei Coman Mar 1
I often wonder
if snowflakes feel
themselves falling
or if the world
simply
rises among them.
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