three one one
free to run
and jump off the cliff
of the canyons of Earl
your tree rings swirl
fifty four and no more
i had nineteen when i wore
black on black for you

i went to the trampoline park yesterday
and let me tell you- i have never felt more free
bounding and jumping into the air
i felt my soul condense and release
and turn into flames and dragons and mythical creatures
i felt the pressure leave me
it escaped from my gaping mouth
i stopped caring for a few hours
and it felt as if time was going super slow
it’s funny how today
the next day
i feel sore
as if it hurts me to be free
as if it is detrimental for me to get ideas about escaping
like i should be trapped in this crammed atmosphere
sore and beaten, nothing more than a menace
i can’t be free
i can’t be free
i will never be free

I look over the cliff.
It's not only steep,
but deafening.

Down below
about a hundred feet under my feet,
the waves crash violently against the rock face.

The cruel, unforgiving ocean,
the jagged rocks that come in and out of existence
beneath the water,

why do they seem to be inviting me into their unending embrace?

I often think about how it would feel,
the few seconds before hitting the water,
the few seconds after jumping from the edge.

My mom says that's when
most people panic and freak out,
realizing they regret a choice they no longer have a choice in.

However,
all I can think about is the air flowing past me, like I'm flying,
and smelling the sea as the noise of the water grew closer,

and crying.

Crying not from sadness or joy
or anything I have felt in a long time,
but from pure, unadulterated relief.

And I think I would be smiling as well.

The trailing traffic
Too loud
Jumping signals in my mind

The music divine
Freedom is mine
Jumping signals in my mind

Darkness thins out
In broad Daylight
Jumping signals in my mind

Lost, never around
To be found
Jumping signals in my mind

A prim, lavender skirt and a napkin on it,
Tells me this is serious, and I mustn’t
Rain upon it, not say what I think,
And much less what I feel.
You have found a lover
And she isn’t me,
I wish I was an eel
That could glide away
Into the primordial sea.

On second thought, it makes me
Wish that we had never met,
That I’d never looked at you and loved,
Or at least never brought you home.
It was there that it all began;
I assumed your were mine alone,
And now I am empty man.

Oh, my love,
For the first time in my life!
You did this to me,
Without knowing, charmed me
Until I was undone.
But accidents will happen;
It was only hit and run;
Such investigative fun!
Don’t tell the other one I feel this way.

On second thought let him…..
Follow me into danger
Since a gamble is good as a rest,
Or the off chance I’ll get shot.
After all, this admirer’s the best
Of a mediocre lot.

But he knows about me, I’m sure.
He’s gets so little reward,
But takes credit for what I do
And hangs upon my every word.
He listens to me in the dead of night
As you used to do.
It’s comforting that he’s not you.

-Unfinished Lament

You stepped on my heart
And stepped once more
And then you began to stomp
Eventually you were jumping on the pieces of a heart that was once yours
But when your walls come crashing down
And it feels like you’re holding the world on top of your shoulders
Remember that I was once your home
And I held all of those walls together
And I helped you pick up that planet off your weak frame
Because your struggles were mine
Remember that once upon a time
I was yours
Your home
And you treated me like treasure
Until you threw me off of the pedestal
You swore would forever be mine

I’m straining my arms and I’m pulling my shoulders,
from pushing each line and carrying our shared boulders.
And my hands are burned and skin’s scraped,
knuckles cracked and broken fingertips,
a few careless words escaped
and I wished to push them back behind my lips.

I’ve got the motor warm and running,
and the waves have settled as they should,
I write down just how I find you stunning,
I would voice it if I only could.

You ask if I’m confident and I tell you I don’t know,
can I make an impossible jump,
oh holy Holly, I don’t think so.
I’m no Henry, no Fonz, no Winkler,
I’m not a stunt performer on T.V,
I barely run through the sprinkler,
I sure as hell will find death in the sea.

The rope’s as tight as a fresh noose,
and my ski’s barely fit my bottom soles,
my hands are clenched just too loose,
I would prefer to be sleeping on coals.
The crowd’s cheers become a lashing,
blood dissolved into the water and salt,
an angry tail’s now thrashing,
my situation is entirely my own fault.

I’m jumping the shark,
without a trial run.
Leaving an infamous mark,
just before it’s all done.
I’m jumping the shark,
it’s the end to my character arc.
I’m jumping the shark,
desperation has never stood so stark.

I’ve glimpsed shadowed empty sets
and walked among great ruins,
I’m tired of swimming in regrets,
pretty please, can I hide in your flesh wounds?
I’ve been taking theatre classes
to act like I’m not terribly bothered,
but every beach goer casually passes,
my body that’s been brutally slaughtered.

I want to feel the water the way that I once did,
with carefree wonder like when I was a kid.
But I always hated the sand, and the way that it encased my toes,
but they’re calling me to set to stand, to see how this final shot goes.

The hoop is placed ontop of a mild wave,
I wish that they engulfed it first in flame,
they praise me for being so brave
but it’s I, not the shark, that is tame.
They’re calling out the term “action”
and I look for my highlighted script,
I only read a small fraction
before I thought it best to rip.

I’m jumping the shark,
without a trial run.
Leaving an infamous mark,
just before it’s all done.
I’m jumping the shark,
it’s the end to my character arc.
I’m jumping the shark,
cut camera and roll credits in the dark.

on that rooftop
i looked into the distance
and wondered why i couldn't see

i wondered
why the world stops.

but i realized
if you fly,

the world never stops.

Jumping off a cliff into crashing blue waves
Sledding down a hill of powdery snow
Running across a golden horizon
Spending time with people I love and faces I know
Listening to soft melodies of music
Even doing dull chores
Planting something new
Breathing in the misty, fresh outdoors
Just simply laughing
Climbing up an old pine tree
To live each day of life
Every moment is the reason for me