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a girl
in my
arm that
she would
make harm
then anticipate
this with
her ****
and amplify
nem. con.
but multiply
her seed
with impunity
their ***
in Riyadh
and lace
in Istanbul
Derrek Estrella Oct 2018
Hate is so hard to conquer, every single day
When half of my hate is sent my own way
Love is hard to acquire, when I lack a face
That keeps the pride to tie my own lace

I cannot wake up in the morning
With a valid reason
So, I bide my time adorning
My mind’s acts of treason
The seasons fly

And I will be conquered
Like a fly
Beholden to its scroll of anatomy
Dissecting its brother
And niece

And now I careen
Cajole myself
Into callow hedonism
Shallow as it may be
It is profound in its posture
And depraved at a glance

I will conquer the palms
With every ligament that moves
With every rotten tree groove
While my mother approves
I can only improve
My lonely psalms
The Qabalah balms
Derrek Estrella Oct 2018
Music gives my eyes a tunnel and my mind the universe. This much I know and recite in verse- or, prose, well. However I may carry my words, they will do all frequencies a severe injustice. That is why I feel no need to describe the ether and the fluids that compose a tune. They simply are, anyone can perceive and dissect for themselves. The words, they serve to underline the story that an ear might not obtain from music. I aim to achieve a functional, symbiotic, conversational existence with these two chaps. One day, it’ll be great fun and my mind will sideflip its merry way through scrolls of papyrus and the speeches of lutes. Until then, it’s apparent and essential, necessary, to be trudging my forlorn way through the badlands of my cranium. Who knows? I may occasionally find myself an ardent hoodoo to comport my thoughts on. I will live for that and die for tomorrow. By increments, of course. I must believe that we’re not all imbeciles, here.
Lyn-Purcell Oct 2018


~
I am a cynic and
a romantic at heart.
My skin hardened by experience
My heart fearful of pain and trust.
Many have tried to peel away
my doubts and fears and
try to add colour to my
truth.

My truth is my reality.
And with that, no one can
hurt me.
So stop.
Please stop.

Don't look at me with
eyes fascinated, eyes with
pity, eyes of doubt.
My heart's afraid
and my mind's so
convicted.

You taste sweetness
from my sourness
and still...
you
think you can
heal me...?
~


This is an old poem I found in a very very old journal.
Wrote it back 2014-5, wow.
Looking at it now, I think I've gotten a little better,
but yet, this still hits so close to home.
Training the mind to be different is a lot harder than people would think.
Lyn ***
A Oct 2018
1500 seconds after, I tripped over my own boots.
I fell onto the sidewalk and scraped my knee,
a dusty indigo mark.
today i might’ve made a friend;
she asked to share my notes and I gave her the date.
I forced my arm into the closing train doors
because i was taught to fight for what you need.
I let my words flow and ebb and my thoughts consume me,
follow my veins up my pallid legs through my fingertips,
and let them sink me.
because you taught me to journal.
miss u
Haylin Sep 2018
The world is big. Some of us will never see most of it.
I’m only 15 and I’m not ready for the world.
If I could, I would stay here.
But I don’t think any of are ready. It’s a big place, it’s scary.
But this is our world, we choose what we do with it.
Abby Reynolds Sep 2018
On cold mornings
I always take a few minutes out of everyday to picture what it would feel like if you were still here
I imagine you laying next to me
holding my hand
kissing my forehead
on really cold mornings I swear I can still feel your touch
but when the minutes are up
I open my eyes
& you're there
& I'm here
its heartwrenching and horrendous
but that is the reality of this fairytale
Abby Reynolds Sep 2018
Oh how you'll never know how much I miss you
I should have held you a little longer every night we shared
I should have snuck a bottle of your cologne to spray through all my clothes
I should have let you kiss me when we were fighting
I should have hugged you tighter
I should have hugged you tight
our ribs connected so we could never part.
I should have gone to war for you
that night
I should have turned you around
made you stay
Why'd you leave lover?
Now theres a permanent icy spot
on the left side of my bed
on the left side of my heart
& you my love
you were my right hand
all the better parts of me
are intertwined in my mess of loving you
no one comes close lover
no one comes close
zen Sep 2018
Blue is a prevalent color
you can find it almost anywhere
at any and every turn
you can spot the color blue almost
immediately, within 3ft feet of you.

Is this the product of mans moodiness?
Are we that trapped and burdened with strife
that we paint the color blue incessantly,
unconsciously?
Or is the appeal?
Are we that attracted to our own madness?
To the point we where it on our heads
on our arms and on our legs.
Screaming with sirens of societies ennui .
The mind of many meld with angst and warfare
in self,
bombs away with blues.
Does the blues find man or does man find,
the blues?
blue is the warmest color
Lucid Sep 2018
everyone has that place their mind wanders to whenever boredom strikes, or whenever they become "zoned out"
mine?
my mind always imagines a ballerina in black, doing pirouette turns over and over again
it's especially vivid whenever i'm listening to music
over and over, round and round
i only realized this today, & it made me wonder why my mind always drifted there
i thought about it until i realized
how fitting
my conscious mind is always turning in circles
so of course my subconscious mind would, too

his hands on my body
the reeking smell of alcohol and coercion
my mother's lies
my brother's handshake with the grim reaper
the realization
the humiliation
the first time i told her i hated her
the sting of her palm against my face
my father's alcohol problem
i can't escape alcohol
my alcohol problem
the feel of the blade against my skin
the sterile smell of the crisis unit
everyone's willingness to condemn & forget

i don't forget

my body
his breath
her lies
death
humilation
the sting
the alcohol
the blood
the sterility
the pain
the pain
the pain

over and over, round and round
turning constant circles in my head
i fall down
With You - stwo
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