Ok, I might be jealous
But not without a reason.
You stay home just for fun
And meanwhile I’m here alone. Um.

i've always been jealous
of the people who drink
to drown their sorrows
the ones who use chemicals to run away
and i've always wondered
why they never asked me
if i wanted to run with them
because my suffering is great
i really would love nothing more
than to ruin myself
get dizzy... weak... wild
**** the consequences
and i want it so badly it hurts
just... just give me a night of escape
let me be free for a little bit
just let me try
please.
please?
i'm begging
i'm pleading
i need something
i can't take this
i need to run

the entire time She was there I just kept thinking,
“what does she have that I don’t?
Is she thinner?
Is she prettier?
Is she smarter?
Does she have a better personality?” Etc.
So frustrating that i spent so much time comparing myself.
I ******* hate her; but I say that knowing **** well I don’t hate her.
Of course I don’t hate her.
I hate her role in everything that has happened.
I hate the way she played a part in my sadness.
I hate the parts of her I see in myself
and the parts of me I see in her.
I hate the idea of being second best
I hate the idea of not being worthy enough
and instead being left for someone else,
even if they don’t get together

i stand here
in this room of cement
dreaming to be on the outside.

though, this dream is mercurial.

i can see the outside, through the one thing in the room.
a stained glass window.

it's colors clashing and colliding, to form the most beautiful picture
and suddenly,

my dream doesn't seem as important.

as the light shines through, the colors coat the room with warmth and beauty.

i've only one thing keeping me from my dream

something so fragile and so elegant, yet has the strongest hold on me.

i've only one thing keeping me from my dream

and yet,

i can't bring myself to destroy it.

Both our hearts are caught in between
Envy coating us pistachio-green
A varnish not shiny but smooth
Reflecting light the tiniest move
Eye-catching beauty to who dares look
A white pebble sparkling in a slow-paced brook
Containing jealous winds with restraints of ink
Emotions grow faster than you think
What starts as cloudy weather goes from small to bad
Soon a storm of feelings leaves you powerless and sad

When you are done with him
Remember, I'm here
All you need is not to forget