insults you throw


Why do you always insult me?
never anyone else?
I want to cry every time
your my family
your a adult
a parent
airhead
blonde
stupid
you don't even know what your doing
neither do the others
but it still hurts

it's not just you anymore
it now bonces around inside my head
beating me down
it's all in good fun
I know but it still hurts

.                                                         ******* *****.
The words come out swift
                          and angry,
accompanied by the contempt
                          in your eyes.
                                                         ******* *****.
I stand, accosted by your
                          animosity,
accepting every insult you fling so
                          unceremoniously.
                   ­                                      ******* *****.
Sorry, don't think I heard you quite
                          well enough.
Please, repeat so I may keep your words
                          clutched closely.
                                                         ******* *****.
I take these taunts you throw out
                          so casually,
                          mold them tightly
                          into a ball
and force them down my throat,
                          swallowing them
                          like the poison
                          that you are.
                                                       ******** *****.

Neener, neener, neener
Your daddy is a wiener
A peener, a geener
A ***** magaziner.

Nanny, nanny boo boo
Stick your head in doo doo
Your granny has got put in jail
For practicing at voodoo.

Olly Olly Oxen Fee
I see you, you can’t see me.
I am smart, you are not.
Just how stupid can you be?

Waka, waka, waka
You look like an alpaca
Your mama should have taken you
And stuffed you in a locker.

Zimmy, zimmy, zim
Your luck is getting slim.
Bad Luck Billy says you’re
You’re almost bad as him.

Hardy hardy har
You think you are a star
But an extra in a walk-on role
Is what you really are.

Clunkety clunk clunk
Your dreamboat has sunk
You think you smell like roses
But it’s more like a skunk.

Sniggley, sniggley snurt
The truth is bound to hurt
You invested in yourself
And then you lost your shirt.

I'M NOT JUST SOME NECKLACE
THAT YOU CAN JUST WEAR
WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IT
I'M NOT JUST SOME FOOD
THAT YOU CAN JUST THROW AWAY
WHENEVER YOU'RE DONE
I AM MORE THAN THAT
I AM MORE THAN YOU'RE ASSUMPTIONS
I AM MORE THAN YOU'RE INSULTS
I AM MORE THAN YOU'RE BACKSTABBING
BECAUSE
I AM BETTER THAN YOU

A.C.

They keep throwing things at my face
Running away from this toxic place.
I plead and ask for a confrontation...
Nothing to do but accept this mutation.

They've been away now, for far too long
Maybe it's me, that they see is wrong.
I never deserved this kind of treatment,
but it's what they do for their own entertainment.

I know I'm human, not a toy nor a pet,
but it's all the cruelty and the insults I get;
Snickering and bickering at my every detriment
Always saying: I'm just a failed experiment.

They won't come near me, never again.
The terror in their eyes, they'll forever retain
Seeing the beast that I've now become
The wrath I've held in, I finally succumbed.

I own a
black t-shirt
that proclaims
(on the back):

Disturbed Veteran
Do Not Approach

When I wear it,
mothers clutch
their children and
I am rarely jostled
in check out lines.
You'd think
I was a *****
asking to shake hands.
Mostly, they pretend
blindness and just
walk away as they
did long ago
when the war ended
*for them.

"You're so ugly!"
But, God made me this way.
"You're stupid!"
What if I just don't know what that field of subject is about?
"You're so thin!"
You can't control my metabolism.
"You should eat more!"
I have a restrictive food intake disorder, you just don't know it.
"You don't know how to appreciate what's in front of you!"
I do know how to appreciate it. I just...
"You're so weird!"
At least I'm not crazy.
"No one will ever love you!"
Well, someone from above loves me unconditionally.
"You're so disrespectful!"
You don't even know how to respect me, right?
"You're so ungrateful!"
I.. I just don't know how to express my feelings at times.
"I hate you!! Go away!"
Okay then...

All the hate, all the pain!
I can hear these voices in my head again!
Will never stop pouring down for it is an endless pouring rain.
I can feel myself becoming like one of the madmen
Hey! Can you hear me?!
I'm slowly becoming transparent!
A person who you can never see,
Because you dismiss me as absent.
I need your love! I need a hug!
Please, notice me for once!
You're my only antidepressant drug!
For I am always in the permanent state of abeyance!
The burdens that I carry, you can never understand!
Sometimes a new problem may grow out of nowhere!
I don't even always have a helping hand!
And, my body starts to grow even colder...
You know how a static sounds so eerie, right?
How it can be somewhat emotional and scary at the same time.
The way it sound to your ears at night,
Will be the sound that you hear when you've seen me commit a crime.

The crime of locking myself away from you because you never seemed to care about me anymore.