They keep throwing things at my face
Running away from this toxic place.
I plead and ask for a confrontation...
Nothing to do but accept this mutation.

They've been away now, for far too long
Maybe it's me, that they see is wrong.
I never deserved this kind of treatment,
but it's what they do for their own entertainment.

I know I'm human, not a toy nor a pet,
but it's all the cruelty and the insults I get;
Snickering and bickering at my every detriment
Always saying: I'm just a failed experiment.

They won't come near me, never again.
The terror in their eyes, they'll forever retain
Seeing the beast that I've now become
The wrath I've held in, I finally succumbed.

I own a
black t-shirt
that proclaims
(on the back):

Disturbed Veteran
Do Not Approach

When I wear it,
mothers clutch
their children and
I am rarely jostled
in check out lines.
You'd think
I was a *****
asking to shake hands.
Mostly, they pretend
blindness and just
walk away as they
did long ago
when the war ended
*for them.

"You're so ugly!"
But, God made me this way.
"You're stupid!"
What if I just don't know what that field of subject is about?
"You're so thin!"
You can't control my metabolism.
"You should eat more!"
I have a restrictive food intake disorder, you just don't know it.
"You don't know how to appreciate what's in front of you!"
I do know how to appreciate it. I just...
"You're so weird!"
At least I'm not crazy.
"No one will ever love you!"
Well, someone from above loves me unconditionally.
"You're so disrespectful!"
You don't even know how to respect me, right?
"You're so ungrateful!"
I.. I just don't know how to express my feelings at times.
"I hate you!! Go away!"
Okay then...

All the hate, all the pain!
I can hear these voices in my head again!
Will never stop pouring down for it is an endless pouring rain.
I can feel myself becoming like one of the madmen
Hey! Can you hear me?!
I'm slowly becoming transparent!
A person who you can never see,
Because you dismiss me as absent.
I need your love! I need a hug!
Please, notice me for once!
You're my only antidepressant drug!
For I am always in the permanent state of abeyance!
The burdens that I carry, you can never understand!
Sometimes a new problem may grow out of nowhere!
I don't even always have a helping hand!
And, my body starts to grow even colder...
You know how a static sounds so eerie, right?
How it can be somewhat emotional and scary at the same time.
The way it sound to your ears at night,
Will be the sound that you hear when you've seen me commit a crime.

The crime of locking myself away from you because you never seemed to care about me anymore.

As I was calling things you that weren't that hurtful such as ******* and ****,  I had realized I had used those far too often and had resorted to a plain "*******". I needed a new angle on the aspect of insults within boundaries. While my need to make you feel inferior raged on I look in the thesaurus to find alternatives to the words I have already used. Of course they didn't have ******* or **** with a list of synonyms. So I decided to look at plain "mean", as I was looking at the synynoms nothing really described what I wanted to put in your brain that you already knew. I glanced over at the antynoms and they were "compassionate, kind, nice, noble, sympathetic"

     An antynom to mean was sympathic
An antynom to mean is sympathetic
Sym pathetic
Sym.       Pathetic.
You are pathetic with your words to show compassion, kindness, niceness, and nobleness to me. ME. You are not a ******* or a *******, a deadbeat or a waste of space, immature or childish, selfish or conceded. You in fact lack the ability to be sympathetic towards me, not totally apathetic. But just unsympathetic to **** me the *******. And you do it so well.

This is for the people,
For the bullies,
For the Monsters,
For the ones who want me to fall,
To scrape my knees,
Or crash my car.
This is a promise
That I swear to keep.
A message to the evil ones,
Or to the ones who just don't believe.
This is the song
The one I'll continue to sing,
The one that means everything.
This is the poem of my people,
Of this generation.
This is the one that'll speak for thousands,
And have a different meaning for every one.
This is the artwork that has every color,
The one splashed on every cover,
The one you'll always remember,
Because it's the one the strong ones recite.
These are the words that speak to your heart,
The ones that are already there,
Even if you don't yet know.
This,
This is our motto,
This is our war cry,
Our victory chant,
Our promise,
Our dream,
Our secret,
Our scream,
These,
These are the words of the unappreciated.
This is a vow to always succeed.
To all the bad,
The cruel,
The evil.
The farther you push us,
The farther we'll go.
You'll be our ladder to success.
You'll be our motivation.
You'll be our dreams' creator,
And also its creation.
You are only making me win,
When all you want is for me to lose.
You every action is a contradiction,
Because they're the opposite of every word you choose.
You will degrade me,
And hurt me,
And try to make me cry,
But no matter what I'll just keep rising,
And you'll still be below me,
Trying to tear down the Eiffel Tower,
With not but your hands.
And from our perch in the clouds,
We'll laugh as we shout down,
*"The farther you push us,
The farther we'll go."

I stuck on the label
My shirt capped with snow
I smiled as I was able
My voice my words could show

All who came to me
Read quickly and ran more
My label was not picky
Of who should fear my tooth and claw

I looked down unto its face
And it looked back into mine.
Not one who found themself in place
Could speak quite like my label's whine.

'Not you, not me, not anyone
Is free to be themself
While I am here you're already gone
For words make rich those ones with wealth.'

I clung to him and ripped him forth,
But horror thudded and with it, tied
My heart stuck to the paper and its morph
Was into a label as I died.

And die I did, but still the words
Stayed until I faded free,
Though I sleep the men in herds
Will speak the mind they have of me.

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words cut even deeper.
For someone as fragile as I,
The Spoken is The Reaper.

So if her last words do the deed
and **** me even faster,
I may be able to hear my death,
a beautiful disaster.

you know what,
never mind.

I’m so tired,
so done,
You hurt people so recklessly

you know what,
never mind.

Incredibly selfish.
Incredibly selfish.
Incredibly selfish.
so incredibly selfish.

you know what,
never mind.

I’ve had enough
Had enough.
I hope someday you realize
you do things wrong,
too,

but like --
really realize.

you know what,
never mind.

It is incredibly
heartbreaking
to try to get through to you

You want to hurt people

you use your avoidance
and self-destruction
to hurt people.

I’m so tired,
so done.

you know what,
never mind.

The way things are now,
I don’t see how we could ever be anything

Real.

you know what,
never mind

I am
Done
Done
Done
with trying to be friends with you.

You have hurt me
irreparably.
I deserve better.

you know what,
never mind.

Good luck with everything,
Truly.

you know what,
never mind.

I am the first but not the last, be my follower
I am a true friend but not a borrower
I speak the truth when I say I don't use people
It's hard to know who you're in common with, so just I choose people
I choose them because they chose me
They choose me because they like me
They like me because I'm something
It's like it will be a waste of time comparing me to everything
There are different kinds me
Each part of me is a part of he or she
For I am one of all but not everyone
I don't take advantage
But there is a disadvantage
A leader is all I ever wanted to be