I'm sorry, I'm not who you believe I am,
I'm sorry that what you know's not true.
I love you, and I don't wanna let you down;
don't wanna let you see the pieces,
the shambles of my life.

I'm functional when you're around,
my problems hidden 'neath the rug,
under the chair.
I'm functional when you're around,
but I crumble when you're not there.

My papers are scattered all around my room,
My dishes are piled on the floor,
I can't sleep cause the nightmares keep on comin'
And by day I'm just so tired,
and ready to give in.

But I'm functional when you're around,
my problems hidden 'neath the rug,
under the chair.
I'm functional when you're around,
but I crumble when you're not there.

I know that you'd care about the mess I've made.
I know that you'd wanna help me through.
You love me, but I'm so ashamed of this,
you can't see these tangled threads here,
I cannot let you in.

So I'm functional when you're around,
my problems hidden 'neath the rug,
under the chair.
I'm functional when you're around,
but I crumble when you're not there.

but I crumble
when you're not
there.

All this time I was looking for art

I didn’t think it could be
these words
Twisting and writhing in their effort to
escape and
Making shapes
Those strange distortions

The words that slip
So easily from my thoughts
Into my ears
But trip
When they reach my tongue

These silent prayers
These words unsung

They barely cross my mind

It pretends to be one of us, but it’s not quite human.

It masquerades as a person, wearing skin that
mimics our flesh, with joints designed to rotate and
glide like ours. It listens to the changing cadences
and tones of our voices, measures our temperatures
and respiration and blinking rates, and then reacts.
And when it behaves, it does so on accumulated
data, learned and converted into best practices.

But it does not have fantasies. It fills its shoes
with synthetic muscle and steel but never wears
another’s. It does not look at birds and wishes
to fly, nor looks to the moon in hopes of someday
making the lengthy trek to wander the gray crust.

It pretends to be one of us, but it’s not quite human.

Not yet.


-
by Aleksander Mielnikow | Alek the Poet

I look into the mirror
And hate my vacant stare
But paralyzing sorrow
Keeps me standing there
I have no strength to leave
No courage left to fight
So I study my reflection
But it’s such a painful sight
I forge a forced smile
Has it ever been so hollow
The corners of my eyes
Are now dripping in sorrow
I run my fingers through
My tangled, greasy hair
I don’t know if this smile
Can ever be repaired
And I can see the fear
Swirling in my eyes
Some things can’t be covered
By a simple smile disguise
Of all the tears from laughter
Seems just tears from sorrow stain
And my posture collapses
Under the weight of all this pain
I don’t know who I’m looking at
I don’t know where I went
My real face twists with joy
It’s not haunted by torment
And I just get more confused
The longer I stay here
I need to stop looking at
The imposter in the mirror

Hold your smile, don’t let it slip
You’re perfect aren’t you?
How could you be sad.

Keep the appearance
You always go to class
You always do your homework
You never fail

Careful now, your mask is slipping
You’re perfect aren’t you?
Bad days aren’t for you

Don’t fall behind now
You’re always kind to people
You’re always there to help
You never feel alone

Why are you crying,
You’re perfect
Aren’t you?

There was a man masquerading as me,
But I caught him by the collar
And wrenched him out!

I feel as though I
May be the biggest fake I know.
Perfecting the art
Of acting like I know what I'm doing when
Self doubt clouds my
Thoughts until I fall apart. But
Every time I think of how lucky I am I
Realize I worked hard for this.