I am from comfort
from the green side
but then I am double
Comfort is gone
I’m from the other side now
I’m caught in the wind
of a lost train
I am from despair
because it is worthless
I am in a place of regret
but in the eyes there is no change

Now I am from the green side again
I know it won’t last
I am going back
Now because I no longer want
The eyes don’t like change
The eyes want me to regret
Want me to hate
Want to compare
I don’t feel comfort
now I’m from distance
where I am fine
but never really loved

The world is so cruel to you
But your words are so kind.
How can you trust people
or be nice to them
When they've robbed you blind?
I don't trust them.
But I believe that even though words
Have incredible power,
Actions have even more power.
So when life gets me down,
I think of a phrase
I act, therefore I am.
I act happy, therefore I am happy.
Yes, I'm still wearing a mask,
But if you say something enough,
you start to believe it.
I don't fully believe it yet myself.
But I want to get better
So I'm up to the task.
Are you?

i feel new,
i no longer have chains holding me down,
i no longer feel like i have to take my time,
hold my tongue; be a good girl now,

i feel new,
i can stretch my arms i won't me a brick wall,
taunting me; i want out but they hate when i am free,

i feel new,
i can feel the sun on my skin, the rain on my lips,
the wind in my hair, the love in your kiss,

i am new,
no longer in the past,
i am the future,
i'm more than happy with that.

In a green expanse,
I am the prolonged fall that never touches the ground
A bottomless pit

The most accurate painting ever made
Beautiful to the eye, tender to the touch,
Makes you feel everything
But nothing in it fills your comprehension

As a vision under the pale moonlight
A silhouette
Takes the shape of the reflected light

Life not yet lived
Wisdom not yet expressed
A beautiful song with only two melodic lines
A Kiss on the forehead with a bittersweet taste

I am vulnerable.

Like a budding flower, I try to open myself up to you

but my petals are fragile

though you are harmless to me while shut up

when I am opened, I am exposed.

And you are just the wind

you do not know your force,

your strength,

until all my petals and

my protection is gone.

I am afraid.

A child in the dark with a flickering candle.

But every touch of light belongs to you,

and in those moments where the light banishes the dark

I am brave.

I leap over the chasms that you carve into my heart

the rivers you trace over my skin

and though I drown in your lips

it is not air that I search for.

I am selfish.

Though I should try to protect you

my mind screams to be with you

steal you away

keep you even though...

Even though you may not be mine

forever.

I am lost.

I search for stable ground

but with you, there is no such thing

so as the ground disappears beneath us

and though we are vulnerable,

afraid,

brave,

selfish,

lost,

We fall together.

A voice whispered in my ear,
"Love comforts. Love heals. Love renews.
It embraces your sorrows.
It comforts your loneliness.
It heals your pains.
It mends your broken heart.
Renews your strength.
Love will keep you close to what is Divine."

I asked, "Will I remember?"
The voice answered,
"Yes.
Then no.  
You will question.
You will dream.
And you will Remember."

i am
cold toes and ripped jeans,
scalding tea and fake smiles,
too dangerous to love.

i am
worse than you think,
faded scars on hips and wrists,
ragged combat boots held together by duct tape.

i am
coffee breath in the morning,
chattering teeth in the afternoon,
a headache in the evening.

i am
in love with being in love,
too afraid to live properly,
draped in the color black.

i am
more than I can handle,
shining brighter than I thought,
waiting for the world to end.

i am
twisted, broken, and desperate,
shattered glass on a tile floor,
blood stains on old sheets.

i am
an art form gone awry,
burnt and discarded matches,
broken hearted and hopeful.


i am
glassy and bloodshot eyes,
shaking hands,
***** coffee mugs sitting in the sink.

i am
a skipping CD,
a restless night’s sleep,
shadows under eyes that look more like bruises.

i am
wholly and entirely me,
wrapped in flannel and denim and crystals,
something no one else can replicate.

Labelist theory states:
If a person is labeled something they are not and they don't agree with, one day they will stop defending themselves and be exactly what they are accused of being.

I'm being called an arsonist by a jury of my peers. By a jury of people who hang with me but now listening to someone who solely wants to see me dangling. I find myself constantly trying to protect my image like copyrights. But no matter the protection plan I enstate, I always find my name somewhere being defaced. I guess respect, loyalty and friendship wasn't enough to protect something like that. If it is then why am I catching charges. Why am I catching OJ treatment when yall say I will be missed like Ladanian on the chargers. Why is action only taken when the news say to take someone out like Michael Vick and not when a player asks you to look at the real problem like Colin Kaepernick. Maybe I'm not the one on trial, maybe this trial was a trial and error to see if this jury was a jury of my peers in the first place. And if this is the case then this a mistrial because I won't allow people who say they will miss me like Ladanian to the chargers be the same ones to take everything I worked with to another area code and call it by the same name. You can foot me the Bills because this is a OJ glove that I see fit. I am arsonist to the ties we had because that same rope won't be my nuse. I set fire to all your expectations of me because I won't watch my name get defaced like your personal property anymore. I accept your label for me with open arms because there is some borderline truth behind every sterotype, rumor, or lie because I have found mine.