Some days I go from top speed to a dead halt in the same amount of time it takes to unlock a door or flip a light switch.

And when I'm standing still, it's hard not to feel like everything around me is crashing down and shattering. And it's loud. It's in my face. Etched onto my skin. Burned into my memory.

But somehow, I'm still here. After the thundering collision and the screeching of tires. I'm still here. In the middle of the crossroads. Still breathing. Still standing. Still here.

Because there are a few strings keeping me from crumbling. And here and there an iron rod that will not let me fall. Small truths and sentiments that shout louder and whisper sweeter than any of my thoughts ever could:

"someone cares" "you matter to me"

"don't walk alone" "careful" "would you like a hand?" "how was your day?" "you're smart too" "I like your face"

It brings me back. Back to that crossroads: my past behind me. A vast future ahead. Calling, beckoning the same way you do with that smile on your lips, your hand outstretched. And even in my clumsy fingers I will grasp it.

And follow.

From 0 to 5, to 10. To 20. To 30. To 40.

Slowly propelled forward yet again, out of the darkness my mind pulls up and around my shoulders like a shroud. Out of the ******* currents that pull me down. Out of the shadows where my bones grow cold.

Into the light and glow of countless stars. Each perfect, each warm. Each far away and watching from their perch upon your shoulders, your arms, your cheeks. Each inviting in the way a warm bed calls on rainy days.

Let me follow. Let me fall. Let me sink into your embrace and tell you how afraid I was today. Let me bare my soul, and make me strong. So that one day. If you should hear the collision and smell the smoke, I will be there to lift you out of the wreckage and hold you to my chest. The way you do now.

That one day I won't need saving from myself. But love fearlessly instead.

What is raw?
What is real?
What is simply making it worse?

All these wounds
Never heal
Because time can’t go in reverse

I can write
All these things
About how I used to be

Let it out
For a crowd
So they can all see

But it won’t help
Not one bit
If they know what’s deep inside

All it does
Is make me
Regret that I even tried

i am looking
for okay
in all the
wrong places

Look at where we are now
Who knew we’d go on all these little dates
Next thing we know
We’ll be travelling to different states

Let’s go somewhere
Gaze up at the stars
Pretend and twinkle happily
That we could go oh so far

When I’m with you
The time flies
Always wishing for more time
As we lazily admire the skies

Hold onto me
Trace my seams
Let’s create something beautiful
Living simple joyful dreams