You've been lurking
in my thoughts all week
(ever since that night
we spent in each other's arms)
which has been made worse by the knowledge
that you haven't given any thought to me.

I had given up
on loving you
except now
the imprint of your arm across my chest
and the smell of your breath in my hair
linger on,
each memory a tendril
attached to my body
dragging me deeper into
the waters of the past.

That night we spent
together
(as friends but bodies curled
against each other like lovers)
has been following me around,
a second shadow
goading me
a dull reminder that
what mattered so much to me
(that night together
your head against my back
your legs against mine)
(and all those other nights
flirtations conversations smiles whispered exchanges
promises)
meant so little to you.

Push it down, deep down beneath,
Let it boil, let it roll, let it seethe,
The careless eye shall miss it all,
One word to them, amidst the deafening scrawl,
Take this moment in, simply breathe.

I don't need to deal, don't need to cope,
I live each day, with a dream and hope,
I'm not broken, you'll see,
I can laugh, and be wild, and act free,
Does it look as if misery holds me tight in rope?

Breath fills my lungs, I live another day,
This world is mine, moldable as clay,
Loss touches the hearts of all World Chasers,
The Go-Getters, the Fastest-Pacers,
We see the light, shining through the grey.

So long as we do not contemplate our loss,
Clinging to our hearts as thick as the aging moss.

Another sleepless night you have taken from me.
Stolen. Along with my heart; I cannot be set free.
Why does it continue to happen - the thoughts, that flood my head.
As I lay awake and restless in my bed,
I remember the honeyed lies you fed me,
Sweet poison to my ears.
But now you have finished serving your bitter sweet lies
And the aftertaste is sour, as I lay here unable to close my eyes
Another sleepless night you have taken from me.

there are days when your name is the only sound echoing in my head
there are days when I can't remember whether your eyes were green or gray the last time I saw your face
there are days when it feels like I lost a piece of my heart and mind when you walked out the door
and there are those heartbreaking days when it feels like you're a stranger I've never met
there are days when I can't do anything but remember
there are days when I can't forget

I saw your fire red lips today,
Lighting up someone else's world
With a kiss, to the air, to their lips
I'm sure their heart was in flames.
I wanted to feel that burn
And I missed it, for a moment
And a lifetime.

Times like these are when hearts sink,
Like lame Titanic references, inserted here,
Because I'd like to think it sinks in deep.

Sometimes I feel like it's better to be alone for a long time before trying again.
Sometimes I'm wrong about these things and regret it in the end.
Sometimes I'm right.

This time I'm right.
And this didn't go the way I imagined.

Burn on.

I run to drown out fear
and to block out pain
no I do not run from them
I run for them

I run for heartbreaks
and nightmares
that cannot stop me
for I run

I run from love
and hate
because you cannot know one
without the other

didnt make it to
your wedding
but i sent your
anniversary gift
in mid-december
despite the
june event.

the circumstances
felt cold to me
anyway.

The body remembers, though it has been
four years since the summer you shattered your
knee but still limped out across the continent
to Boston to see him you idiot and
this is the fourth summer you've placed between
yourself and the last pin and the last *****
your body remembers, though in the
torturous lengthening of fused and toughened tissues
the bad leg is finally catching up,
and the scar with its ten numb inches of
puckered track has come to fade bone white
against your skin
but it’s still stored somewhere
in your sockets or cells and when you fall off your bike you still cry
Though you’re not really hurt your body remembers
So that when you’re confronted with their engagement photo
(you didn’t even know he was seeing anyone)
the darkened garden at the Plymouth Plantation
begins to bloom up around you before you can stop it
like a seizure or a vision, and you’re there again
trespassing after him through shadowy pines
and night-damp atlantic air
to where the white chairs encircle the altar.

Winter Stones
I. Her first love
was a boy that chased her around the play ground the way the wind chases leaves
Often he kept her close to the ground, but sometimes
he would spin her into small tornados  Untill she was dizzy and giggling
And sometimes he swept her up- the way wind does
Together they flew
he showed her the skies,
taught her how to manipulate the clouds and count the constellations one by one

II. She saw Galaxies in his eyes
Expansive depths that offered worlds of possibilities
And she cried when he cut his hair
Because he was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen
And she knew that he was perfect with all his flaws
Because he was the sun and she the moon
And flaws were only clouds that temporarily dimmed light

III. Everyone told her
The story of how “The sun died every night to let the moon breathe”
But they had forgotten that it is the sun that rises and falls
So therefore the moon can only breathe when the sun says so.
And they forgot to mention that small tornados turn into big ones
That leaves in storms are nothing but collateral damage
And without a tree to hold them down are left and lost
to the whim of the wind

IV. All too soon
She began to find the wind suffocating
Yet salt still poured from her eyes when she realized
That leaves have no power to stay the wind
And the moon and the sun simply can’t exist at the same time

V. Still,
She never stopped loving him

VI. Then the night came
That he thought that maybe he loved her back
and when he kissed her it was with lips made of fire
Which burned her skin as easily as paper
And left her with scars when he said
“I’m sorry. I can’t.”
They tell you scars are memories but really,
They just hurt

VII. They told her
That she was too young to know love
that what she had felt for him was only a shadow of love
So, logically, she could not possibly be heartbroken
But if this was only a shadow of love
Then she decided that she would go her whole life without falling
Yet her imagination still strayed
and she began to wonder if she was even capable of love
Because her pieces hadn’t quite fit back together right
And she knew
That she would never break the same way that she broke for him
Plus,
It was hard to break
When all he had left her with were bricks to build walls
And she did, tall and high

VIII. But the thing about walls
is that while they keep things out
they also keep them in
And so she was a trapped in a place without wind
But even if he had been there it wouldn't have mattered because,
She was no longer Autumn Leaves but
Winter Stones