I had to let go,
Happy endings, didn't mean anything anymore,
Ten letters from him, saying goodbye,
I stopped writing after the ninth.

Now here I sat behind a glass,
As memories loomed over him like a cloak,
Strapped by tendrils of death,
He looked the same as he did years go.

He looked different now, but still the same,
Fifteen years in the past, but still held my heart,
Even though I refused to visit,
His love flowed stronger than guilt.

I knew from the start this was wrong,
But I listened to my heart, and we grew strong,
Consequences awaited me at the end,
Like humanity; the heir of the original sin.

The execution chamber remained silent,
But my heart was going through emotional violence,
Memories flashed in my head, of us together,
Interrupted by a voice on the speaker:

"You are permitted to make your final statement."
"Thank you for loving a monster like me"he said
"I don't deserve your love, but if we meet in another life,
it would be a pleasure to die in your arms."

He sighed, a sad sigh, filled with acceptance and peace,
And looked in my eyes and whispered his last emotion,
My head started spinning, as second faded into minutes,
But I had to do this, see him leave the world as a being loved, not hated.

The skin I felt so long before, was pierced by a needle,
the kind of needle we were afraid of as kids,
Several minutes later he took his last breath,
And a part of me died with him.

My memory is filled with icy thoughts so chilled
I begin to stammer, loss of breath, like a ghost
That follows me, my teeth chatter,  so many
Of my warning words that no one ever heard,
Locked away in fear, the watchers always near,
Thoughts flooding with grief, the darkness fraught,
Ever filled with thieves so fast they seem to disappear.

It would seem I am beyond what some deem a good guy in the end,
Every time my breath catches, I seem to feel on the mend.
Then it begins again, a waking crash like flashing light,
Well I never get much rest, before it's over, twilight pests.
They follow me at dusk, this rain, and hail it must,
Until I am lost in thought, I awaken to this unspoken fact,
That if I had not been poor, friends would be at my door.

Blind with broken dreams, this is quite a scene,
It seems that money spoke, it made my life a joke.
Still I ask why oh why oh why? And I get the same answer,
It'll come to you some day, boy, you're getting old, tisk tisk,
This world is cold and full of holes, your worries are absurd,
Not a word, NOT another WORD, your logic is absurd...

There is a dark I cannot fill,
There is an empty space, small but noticeable still.

A city at midnight, a body to hold,
Of these I dream but my mind is cold.

Have I lost myself once again?
Please, please help me darling,
One, two or three, I am in need of a friend.

He's the first person I tell,
But you are the first one I wanted,
And he is the one I don't know about,
These neon lights flash but I still feel haunted.

There is a light that blinds my eyes,
A truth washed free under these grey skies.

A body close, heat between?
A fantasy snatched from a waking dream.

Maybe I am lost, maybe I am reborn,
I feel my mind is finally free,
But freedom's cost is my own self scorn.

Beaten and blinded, now fill my ribs,
This is strange and bizarre, my body flaunted,
These are the ones that set me on fire,
Body, heart and mind, still to this day, all are haunted.

The walls howl at night--
they shriek, they
moan aloud and wake me from sleep.
My House is haunted
(it’s been haunted for years)
with all the shadows I’ve projected
just to empty my tired mind. I
tip-toe quietly,
speak softly,
because my ghosts, too, are light sleepers.

He lives in a cold and empty house
Where lightbulbs hang from silver chains
And lonely ghosts live within
The cracking, creaking wooden walls

He leaves out his favorite books for them
And listens to footsteps beneath the floorboards
He plays piano,
a reclusive recital for empty rooms
And they keep each other's soft-spoken secrets

October eyes,
were not eyes at all.
they were spinning gears, and cold steel
disguised in chocolate orbs.

October Eyes said it all,
Though not a single meaningful word
was uttered
through your lips for weeks.

October Eyes screeched
"Remove that thing at once! She is a cog in the assembly line!"

And that's just what you did.

You became the machine others expected.

And i became the scrap heap.