a teenage crush; adoration, lust.. love.

once started out beautiful, destined to fail.

to the girl i once loved;
thank you for everything you had done

for everything you had shown me;

but i had to move on, for this love was not for us, it wasnt meant to be
those beautiful moments i will forever cherish; im learning to let go the anguish.

thankyou for adoring me, as i adored you,

When my mind is full
I watch my thoughts
I realise crosses
are really the same as noughts.

I watch my breath
fill up space in my chest
and pacify my ego's need to protest.

Control is not a prerequisite
of a happy soul.
The same way your 'other half'
is not a prerequisite to your whole.

So once in a while let it all go
receive yourself,
the highs and lows.

Don't 'empty' your mind
in attempts to unbind
unwind, rewind, or realign
for how can you?
When you've no idea
what you've just declined.

So when your mind is full
and paints your heart grey,
become mindful of the fact
your thoughts make you that way.

I'm so much happier now that I'm dead.
But between waking and sleeping there's people you might forget.
And I don't want to forget you.
**** me all over when I do.

Swimming right through the grid.
Just to find you back again since you hid.
You were paddling along with me and pushing away hard cemented concrete.
Uncovering old treasures that we lost on the street.
Not too many, but we set them free so they can be anywhere.
All the time like the dust you wear.

It's a little bit softer.
But there must be a moment to let it all be over.
And I don't want to really leave you.
**** me all over when I do.

Floating right through the pit.
Oh I needed it, I needed this hit.
Let me fall into the endless sea.
Without pushing the waves aways from me.
Not too many, but we set them free so they can be anywhere.
All the time like the dust you wear.

It's a lot lot clearer.
A lot lot nearer.
The end.
I'm so much happier.
In the end.
Life is so much better now that I'm dead.
Dreaming is much nicer when I'm not in bed.

With eyes of blue and sea foam too,

There’s not a moment in time that
               I
                  Don’t
                             Love
                                      You

I will not lie
Every year on this very day
the more I want to die
but is the voices that keep me alive

On this day
I'm expected to be happy
as everybody wishes me
But I've always felt empty

Nothing has changed
Every year is the same
From the silence in my room
to the noises in my brain

My wish for every year
will never be different
whether or not I could be happier
Then the previous birthday