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CJ Apr 4
Still water run deep...
Dark water run deeper...
I see myself swimming in dark water...
CJ Feb 5
I will not lie
Every year on this very day
the more I want to die
but is the voices that keep me alive

On this day
I'm expected to be happy
as everybody wishes me
But I've always felt empty

Nothing has changed
Every year is the same
From the silence in my room
to the noises in my brain

My wish for every year
will never be different
whether or not I could be happier
Then the previous birthday
Will I ever be happier on my birthday?
Am I selfish to just wish to be happy?
CJ Dec 2019
A glimpse of hope
black and white
a flash to the past
my hand reaching out
trying to choke
for what is known
to be the devil
but with all the strength
in these hands
I lost to courage
as in the cracked mirror
I see my hands
on my own neck...
I guess the devil was me all along...
CJ Nov 2019
Crying without tears
Laughing without Laughter
What if I
Cry with laughter
Laugh with tears
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Am I a Joker or a Joke?
CJ Oct 2019
It's not insomnia but I skip sleep on regular nights.
I hear voices in the soulless nights…

Aren't you lonely?
Aren't you worthless?
Aren't you depressed?

I feel inferior.
I feel lonely.
I feel needy

But why do I always look happy but not feel it?
It’s empty in me, but why does it feel so heavy?
Sometimes I just hate my own presence...
CJ Oct 2019
Tempted to pull the trigger
To the figure
In the mirror
CJ Sep 2019
Hey depression,

How have you been?
Feeling sad lately...

What are you up to?
Just lingering in someone...

Where are you now?
Just in someone close to you...

When are you leaving?
Maybe not for a long time...

Why are you in him?
Cause i like him...

Who are you actually in?

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