Cold sweats and cuss words
Body weakened and defeated
To long for something that you dont want
To desire a quick death
My head, rings louder than a mobile phone during sunday service.
Stress seriously stirs within my day.
My will disintergrating litte by little,
I will fall
But I refused to break
Everyday, every step, every breath
a test against my myself
I wont give in,
I wont give up.

There is a scratch I cannot itch
on the surface of my belly,
where my nails used to dig deeper and deeper
until I bit them off one nervous night
and the prettiness of my hands,
of the delicacy of my fingers,
were chewed up mindlessly since old habits
die hard.

I cannot scratch this itch
no matter how many tears are shed
or nails are grown
because this itch burns deeper than old wounds.
It begs to be remembered,
begs time and time again to be known,
swelling on the surface of my sunken belly.

Without nails, without beauty,
I scratch my way to the bone
where the little voice lays in the cracks of my soul
and tells me to remember the ugly inside

the thoughts wither away and an old habit revives
itching, just itching, bleeding for life.

Though my nails have cracked
and my hands are sore,
my stomach expands with lines marked
from long nights before.
I remember then what I tried to forget,
because old habits only die
when new ones replace it.

I've made it a habit to set fire to the things that I love
And you, I love the most.
For you, my old words have thrown themselves at purple flames
and drowned them out with inferno tinted tears.
We are creatures of habit
and I may have made a habit of myself.
What if I don’t want my habits to reek of sitting in showers
1. have I washed my hair yet
2. the water has run cold
3. I have already showered this much today
Confusing sunrise with sun set
1. has it already been 24 hours
2. am I awake
3. how much time has gone by, how many sun cycles have I wasted
You are only sleeping with tragedy, when you become this sad, for this long
But what if I want my habits to be nothing but repetitions of you
Habitual skin and bone and scent and love
But love is the hardest habit of all to break.
I hope when we are finished, I am still in one piece.

DAG NAB IT!!
Different day, same ****
& here I am back at it
Such a love/hate kind of habit
Speeding up the pace, gotta go like the White Rabbit

Although, I'm not going to be late
I'm just TOO impatient for time & it's hard to wait
I'm sure some of you, at times, can relate
Like when you're ready a tad bit early for a date
Time seems to go so much slower, which I ******* hate!

Of courser I am well aware
This habit is the reason I've got extra time to spare
& that is when I do & redo & redo my hair
Which I do quite often, not doing it is actually what's rare
Just another fun little FYI fact I'd like to share
& yes I know, you probably don't really care

A list of 'to do's' are done with such a quickness
Cleaning is a breeze, it should always be like this
I guarantee you though, there will be something I miss
I get so sidetracked, that's what my problem is....

Days have no end & nights rapidly just begin
Enters is turned up, my blood is steadily pumping under my skin
Creativity is leaking & starting to overflow from within
WHOA SHOCKER! Another race with the sun & yet again I win!
I don't always have the greatest self discipline
****....this habit is one hell of a bittersweet sin!!

I'm having trouble getting out of bed lately.
It seems id rather dream because that's the only place i don't hate me.

Cynicism is my confucianism bury my coffin shallow so i can still fell the rain.

I can't stand the lack of pain.

Bad men are children who never grow up

Forever etched into a reverie
A memory of you and me
Branded behind my eyelids
Last night

When you had had much to drink
Couldn't think of how to blink
Your eyes reddened 'round the rims
Of irises

You held me in a drunk embrace
Around my waist to save your grace
Walked us right out of
That bar

Don't go you said
And instead pulled the thread
That held us
Together

And somehow our lips intertwined
As if you were mine in that time
As though we were
Fine

Alcohol stained my tongue

Because of that kiss
I often miss
AA meetings

An ex smoker,
          Picks up another cigarette
An old alcoholic,
          Can no longer abstain
A girl chews her lip, as a man starts to bite his nails.
A recovered boy,
          Drags a blade across his wrist
An anorexic girl,
      Tries to eat her salad,
           But can't hold it in