the hot water rained down 
on my cowered head
as i scrubbed my flesh
until my skin glowed red
but i could never wash away 
the guilt that marred my blood
it had seeped into my bones
turning my heart into mud

as i sit tense on this plane, i wonder
am i closer to you up here?
do you truly look from the heavens?
do you protect me from regrets?

sweet small talk
fills the child with lies
as murderous eyes stalk
they seek to bleed you till you die

paranoia is incorrect
giddiness unkempt
fear is easier to accept
either way, doom will be met

“mommy, can you do it for me?”
a guilty question wrought in youth
“my love, can you set me free?”
an age-old concept based on truth

death is inevitable and too powerful
shaking, i refuse to accept that
i am ashamed to still be fearful
in my comfort zone, i’m glad

if i join you
what should i say?
i might die once more if i do
simply because you were such a light
a ray that shone upon my darkness
your warm embrace held me quickly
and released all too soon

and if i may tell you,
on the next blood moon...



i truly do love you.

Why do I feel guilty
I didn't do anything
I just want to be whole
I want to feel safe
The only way I can ensure my safety
Is to stay hidden
If my secret got out
I would be *******
You see my parents are catholic
And homophobic as hell
And I hate to lie to them  
I don't have a choice
I want to stay here
And so, I'll go back to the closet

Are they snowballs down in hell
or just fire, smoke and heat?
I must live forever in my shell,
solving the matters of your deceit.

You put my feelings in the shredder,
wearing that silly mask of Cupid,
I'm guilty. I should have known better.
You're Evil in disguise, and I'm so... stupid.

You were feeding me with charming lies
about how your Sun is kissing the snow,
you made me walk away two thousand miles,
now I don't live at home anymore.

We should stop playing this blame-game,
and don't hide behind the shadows of a traitor,
the loneliness is whispering now my name,
believe me, you will thank me for this... later,

when your raven years will bring you wisdom,
you'll sit and have your morning breakfast,
you'll make confessions to God's kingdom,
only then you'll triumph over Life's tempest.