My vision was of a 3D puzzle
Open your eyes it is a surprise

Reflecting a ghost on the wall
Shifting glances a death to us all

The one that was supposed to help
To be my friend turned their back

Because they could care less
A gift I would lack

How do we get sent to death
When all I know could care less

I guess to them I am second best
Can you help me find the answer

Because who is in charge
They also spread the cancer

What time are you leaving
Because of this I am grieving

Because what happened was not my fault
Just got paid the answer you are not what ought

Clinging to an old idea
of a red lip
a torn pair of black jeans
a swing set at a memorial
Where were you in September?

your wide eyed child misses his daddy
and we all miss our friend

I sit here
jealous
of your endless sleep
I am tired too, Adam.

Supposedly you are selfish
That's what is said in a low whisper,
but they don't know
the tearing pain.

Old man Death had already taken you before you tied the noose.

Sleep well.

You are not in pain
and you are not what hung you.

The stars are plenty in the sky
Some reason when they’re gone I can’t help but cry
The beauty is inescapable
Yet some days it’s trapped in a distant bubble
I can’t see their twinkle tonight and it kills me
Normally their radiance fills me
But even the moon is now shrouded from worldly view
The sky seems empty with no stars, not even a few
I count the days since I last saw my light
Whether from the cold dark pavement or the highest height
I miss the constellations that made me smile
I haven’t felt that joy in quite a while
I miss the celestial bodies on the dark flat sheet
I miss watching them shimmer as I listen to my heartbeat
Please return to me my Starry Night sky
My iridescent view don’t pass me by

The words come to me late at night
While I lay in bed, I can't help but
Let myself sink into the absence of light...
And into the mattress.

This is when I miss you.
Okay, that isn't true,
But after a long day
Be it happy or sad,
I realize I can't call
To tell you what kind of day I had.

The words come to me late at night
The ones to tell you that I'm alright
And that I just might
Have found happiness.

You are sick
suddenly,
it hit you
like an unexpected enemy
and that's what it is
enemy
I like that word
for describing such pain caused
Attacking you
against you
trying to take you out
Enemy

love thy enemy?
God, how can I?
How can you?
What a terror
what a horrific thing to allow
I scream
in pain
how my Dad must want to scream
but he can't
for the enemy has weakened him
he has taken many blows
infirmary
doctors
tests and more tests
answers?
cures?
none.

Why Enemy? What did he do to you?
Nothing!!
he was kind to his body
so why do you attack it so
Enemy I hate you
if hate could bury you
if it could rip you out of his body
and make you ... disappear
Then hate would **** you for sure
I have enough to eradicate your tiny growth of existence
Your tiny bits causing so much despair

Enemy, I beg of you, don't take him from me

God, fight for me, I am too weak
take over, heal, destroy this terrible little vial growth
God please, I beg on my hands and knees
I plead, don't take my Daddy from me
don't ruin my heart by taking away one of the first people to love me in this world
God please, you gave him to me as Dad,
to love me like you do.
And he did, and he does, and forever will
I need his voice, his hugs, his everlasting comforting presence,
GOD!!
i scream...

my heart is wire and sinew
processing speeds and generated power
a motherboard that beats, beats, beats
you're a human, but baby,
I'm a machine

I'll keep powered until the day
my software is outdated
my ram slows down
the blue screen of death flickers
where I never reboot again

trade me in for a newer model
my feelings are connected to electricity
I've already processed my own abandonment
and have already grieved your absence
in a million different codes of binary

I remember your hands on my keys
you pushed all of my buttons
knew every function inside and out
you turned me on and kept me going
you are the spark that ran my code

but now, despite my own wishes
I'm made to keep running
I'll whirl and click and buzz and work
and for a moment, I nearly believed
that a machine could feel love

I hope one day you’re able to see how I feel everyday, I am alone walking down this dark path. My hearts made of glass and it’s shattering, I waited for the day you were ready to fix the connection we never had. I feel like I’m at the bottom of hell I cry everyday in my room wishing you never picked up those pill bottles but you did mom, I prayed every night to have the old you back but now I can’t even look at your pictures without getting angry. When I used to look you in the eyes you always had a blank stare and that’s when I knew you lost yourself, I know the drugs held you captive. Drugs took you from all of us and we needed you, you gave up everything you ever had for those pill bottles how could you momma? At night I think about everything you’re missing in my life, I need you for all of this but you’re gone forever. I lost nana and that lady meant everything to me, she’s also missing out on my life. I feel angry everyday I think of how I could have saved you but the one day I didn’t wake up is the day you died, I feel broken from all the way down from the bottom of my heart I always cry out to you, you won’t be coming back. I want all of this to end but the voices in my head tell me I am going to end up dead, save me before I fall. I love you to pieces I know I must let the anger out I wish I didn’t feel this way, I miss you until we see each other soon.❤️
-Love Amya-

I wanted to show you
my favorite movie
I was really looking forward to it.

We were supposed to see it together

All of my favorite parts, the ones that would make my heart beat faster...

The music
The colour
The beauty
Once more

All those feelings I wanted to share, but you were so tired and

so bare.

You couldn't hold on
Before I knew it

You were already gone
I had to watch my story alone.

I now truly know what it means to see everything in your life falling apart, and not being able to do anything about it.

I now truly know how it feels to see your mother break down in front of you, grieving about the happy life she once lived.

I now truly know what it looks like to see your father lose himself to his depression.

I now truly know that life has it's own course and it is inevitable that my family will find happiness.

I now truly know.