is to open caskets;
Smile the pain away,
I'm exhausted trying to mask it;
Alcohol and nyquil,
Just so I can doze off;
Poetry's the only remedy,
When thoughts of hurting me
wants to go off;
3 am thoughts I'm lying here,
Trying to bargain with the devil;
Coz if I end my life here,
No way I'm getting into heaven;
Trying to find my purpose,
In this seemingly meaningless life;
To keep running in this tunnel,
before I end up seeing the light;
Sidekick 2 flashbacks as I type here,
I just hope to God,
that this path leads to the same destination;
I should've said something,
It could've ended badly,
It would've fixed this creeping feelings of anxiety,
I should've been assertive,
It could've been for better,
It would've stopped these thoughts I have,
That made me write this letter.
I should be sleeping right now,
I could be dreaming right now,
It would be best I close my eyes for good,
which is what I wish for right now.
Have you ever been so numb,
That your being has been void of its emotion?
Howling strong winds and cracking thunderstorms,
But as calm as the bottom of the ocean?
Have you ever felt being put in a pedestal,
on a personal collection?
False feeling of importance,
But there never was connection.
Nowadays, I spend my days,
wishing of the days past.
Every day is a waking struggle,
I wonder how much more it may last.
I took it all for granted,
all I wanted was it to work out.
Promise of openness,
But it's difficult to be heard out.
I left a lot of things,
tried to show you your importance.
Surrounded me with material things,
But loneliness is what my soul has.
Gone are the days of being young and carefree,
Nowadays it's been replaced with what if and maybe,
By now I thought I would've had everything figured out,
But why is it that I'm still longing for something I couldn't live without?
I act as if I'm winning,
But underneath it all I still lose,
In a prison of thoughts and hidden feelings,
Struggling to free myself from this noose,
You ask me if I'm fine,
I smile and lie to you,
Will I ever be good enough?
I'll never tire of trying for you.
— The End —