I've started to peel off my skin,
Just to see if there's anything within,
I've sharpened my knife,
And carved a small slice,
Making sure that it wasn't too thin,

I slowly continued to peel,
Knowing that this wouldn't heal,
But I just didn't care,
I kept on with the pare,
I had to make sure it was real,

I'm tearing my muscles apart,
A bloodied and moving piece of art,
Then just under my breast,
I pull my hand from my chest,
All this just to give you my heart.

I remember
Staring at the vast ocean of stars
Praying, wishing with the last lingering thought before sleep
That my life wouldn't be so stagnant
For an adventure worthy of tales
To throw me off my guard

They say, "Be careful what you wish for in the dark."

Seeing myself in the mirror
A monster, a horror
An unknown disease lurking, hidden
A virus within forever

Wrapping my head in my arms
A self-loathe burning like a fever
A desire to pluck out my nails
Like plucking out petals from a flower

I love me, I don't love me, I don't love me
I don't ever love me

Stop breathing down my neck
Stop pawing me for answers
Stop drilling holes in my back
I can hear your whispers

I know, I know
I don't need you to tell me I'm disgusting
I could throw up just looking at myself

It's pathetic that I brought this onto myself
I used to laugh at the stars
Cursing and swearing like nothing ever matters
"When the world comes crashing down,
Use it as a blanket," I used to say.

Who knew, who knew
I'd never see
Myself the same again

Who knew, who knew,
I'd never see
The sun rise again

My finger is strung up like ham,
I will cleaver it off
Oil the pan
And chuck it in the oven
On the table someone will complain about the bone
'I don’t like bones in my food'
I will be soothing myself,
Rubbing my stinging,
streaming stump.

She will hold a gun to your head and her name is carved into the bullet, but it's only for her arousal.
She always had a thing for getting into people's  head.

Do you like this?
When I touch you with burnt fingertips?

I'm drawing a map all over your body with blood stained hands and you don't even blink.
You're just my type, twisted and all.

Your skeletal body leaving its imprints all over the plum duvet.
Your scent stings, but it makes me touch myself in forbidden and unholy ways.

Just one thirsty kiss and I will be indulged by his fire.
This is so bad, but it feels so nice.
His flavor is all over my tongue, bittersweet.

I need more.

I am sinking deeper,
beyond possibility,
into the grime.
Sloshing, dark waves are washing
over my body,
pale and thin,
and cleansing me.
I will treat it like I would the water
and bask in its horror,
metallic and harsh.
I will allow the copper flavour of blood
to rinse my mind.
Purity.
Feel the dry sandpaper skin
and the gravel in my eyes
as the rending of metal
tears my mind from itself
and I resurface,
gasping for air.

Emotion carves itself
from the tip of my knife,
dripping with blood.
Darkness emerges,
lying awake,
screaming into a pillow
pressed over my face.
Smothering myself.
I will dream
to play the game of deception,
pretending I am no longer alive.
Broken, shifting ice creeps
beneath my skin
when you whisper to me
in your violent ways.
I hear your voice,
hurting me,
compelling me,
telling me.
So,
tell me why.
Smother my bones,
drain my life,
drink my mind
and tell my why life
doesn't work anymore.
I'll scream
with a bleeding throat
when you tell me why.
I'll scream
with ******
when you tell me why.
I'll scream for days
but I'll finally know why.
Smother my soul
and tell me why
as you feel my breath falter
and the spirit
leave my body.

I'm ready to leave here.
Her eyes, her mouth, her breath,
they despise me.
They loathe me.
Ready for exile,
I will be pushed from June
and into the arms of July.
I will lay there
until I suffocate,
spores taking over my body,
the ocean of the sighing
forest floor choking me,
waiting in wretched harmony.
I'll be dreaming of yesterday
as the claws of tomorrow
tear my body to pieces.

Blood soared from the sacrifice
When I took the plunge
I follow through and remove
A ****** heart from the flesh
God loves me for this,
God loves me for this,
God loves me for this.
I earn a place in heaven
When I steal the organs
Of a woman who should know
Not to walk home alone