“Your heart is a beast”
They said
And ripped open your ribcage to pull it out
Antiseptic smiles
scalpels in their hands
a sheet stapled to your chest that just said
”wrong”

“this is for your own good”
They said
While the
flesh peeled and
Bones cra ck e d apart
Fur pulled out til it was all red
And

The howl was stolen from your throat
so you couldn’t even scream
couldn’t bare your own **** fangs
Cause they’d taken those too

Your heart is a dull-toothed beast
Staggering and swaying
Snapping at the wind
Spitting up blood
Leaving a red trail in the earth with its paws
To match the one your organs made
When they all spilled out

“for your own good” they said

And

You are dying



Bleeding out in the dirt
Hemorrhaging on the inside
like some forgotten thing hit on the highway
like some old fiend, having taken its last blow
and curled up to die
while the warrior sheaths his sword and gets a hero’s welcome

but you don’t

you should be dying
but someone scoops up your shattered little heart and the shards of your bones
your organs where you left them on the ground
and takes you home

“it’s okay” they say
As they gently scrub the blood out of your fur
until it’s all white again
“you’ll be alright” they say
as they clean the grime out of your paws
sharpen your nails
Dust off your heart
And nestle it deep in your chest
under patchwork superglued bones

they arrange all your important parts with the care of someone
who knows how easily things break
drain all the blood out of your lungs
and you remember how simple breathing used to be
when you weren’t drowning with every breath

“they were wrong” the tender one says, sharpening your fangs
Petting your head
“But you are not”
And their hands are so warm
That you think you can believe it

When the bullet first struck, you couldn’t feel a thing
Nothing rose out of your throat, you just
Breathed a steady rhythm in your veins
In, out, in, out, in, out
in
out

Until you forgot how
And you couldn’t breathe
Cause something had stuck itself in your lungs your blood your heart so deep
So sharp
that you were drowning in your own **** blood
sputtering up a river
trying
trying
trying
to breathe to think to feel anything but a guttural agony in your chest
and the bullet was just stuck there
tearing and tearing it all apart
a wrecking ball
an open wound

the remains of something lost

he reeks of death
that boy
formaldehyde in his veins
arsenic on his lips
choking as he laughs, a breathless thing,
a death rattle

he says the shreds of tires on the side of road look like dead dogs
spilling out their guts among the broken beer bottles and trash
for all the world to see
that the flies hovering spell out a confession if you look close enough
that it’s all yours, he says, for you
how romantic
your boy

he said he’d burn you up
and he did
til you breathed blood and smoke and the sadness dripped from him
“it’s okay” you say, like it’s not his fault
Because it isn’t his fault that you did it anyway
“It’s okay” you say, because they always said you weren’t good
At letting sleeping dogs lie
“it’s okay” you say but you spit up your lungs on his shirt
And press your head against his chest

And give you him your heart

“I'm not using it”, you say, and pray
That it will keep him warm
And let the death settle in the empty hole

A man walks into a bar and
doesnt walk out

you walk into a bar
and you dont walk out
and you think maybe thats how it happened

he just walked into a bar
and never walked out

walked into a knife
walked into the barrel of a gun
walked into a river with cinderblock shoes
walked into a car and didn’t turn back
walked into your life and right back out

you stumble out of a bar
cursing and crying and
crashing into the pavement but
that doesn’t matter

you feel like dying
or melting
imagine that you slip and fall apart until you’re just a puddle
imagine that you slip through the lines in the concrete
through the roots and the earth
live down there instead
but

you’re still here
crying on the ****** sidewalk in front of a ****** bar with whisky on your shirt and your breath and something cold and sharp in your heart
and that’s not the problem so much as
he isn’t here too

He is hot

(Not like that -I mean- yeah like that oh god most definitely like that but that's not what you mean when you say that-)

He burns

something muzzle-flash bright, eyes like stars, catching your stomach on fire, catching the whole ******* universe ablaze with the ease of someone

just

playing

a

game

(A game you bet your heart on, a game you bet your life on, what's the difference)

And you love him
Oh god you love him

You'd let the universe burn and cover yourself with matches

Just to see him shine

(1) New Message:
(Photo attached: depicting a crab with a knife)
haha is this you

(1) New Message:
i’ll be back late, gotta job, chinese for dinner?
i’m buying

(1) New Message:
haven’t heard from you, you didn’t come home. You okay?
people disappear in this town, you know i worry

(1) New Message:
it’s been three days. Jesus christ, Dan, please text me or call me or something. If you want space, just tell me. i’m worried about you

(1) New Message:
did I do something? i’m sorry, for whatever I did. Please come back. Please answer me. One word is enough. i’m starting to get scared, okay?

(1) New Message:
I asked around town. Someone said that you died.
Answer me. Please.

(1) New Message:
wheeeeere th fuckk r youu
cme back ‘m sorryy

(1) New Message:
it’s been a week. Everyone I ask says that you aren’t coming back. I don’t believe them, I cant.
You’re stuff is still here.

(1) New Message:
I won’t ask any questions. Even if you just come ******* take your stuff, come back already. it’s my turn to buy dinner.

(1) New Message:
I miss you.

(1) New Message:
someone tried to buy your ****** duck carving, the one you said wouldn’t sell for free.
I almost punched them and cried in the back.
I’m so sorry pls come back pls answer me pls be alive

(1) New Message:
you never showed me your favorite movie

(1) New Message:
I smoked one of your cigarettes today. It burned like hell and tasted like ****
I miss you so much

(1) New Message:
it hurts

(1) New Message:
you werent supposed to diei was supposed to protect you you protect me we protect eachother but youre ******* gone im so ******* sorry pls come back i cant do this
i cant lose you

(1) New Message:
I never got to tell you
come back already so I can tell you

(1) New Message:
Happy birthday

(1) New Message:
I left your presents out
as though you’d ******* show up months later
and I bought some of the whiskey we drank our first night out
i’ll leave a glass for you

(1) New Message:
I love you

(1) New Message:
I should’ve told you a long time ago
I love you so ******* much it’s killing me

(1) New Message:
why did you have to die

The boy you loved drowned

Drowns every day
But he hasn’t come back
(He always does)
Maybe won’t
The icy shoreline whispers
“And if he doesn’t?”

He will
He has too

You don’t want to think about it

It whispers a lot to you
In the quiet moments like this
Before he comes back
Like
“What’s the point?”
(You say that this is the only way you’ll fix him)
“And what about yourself?”
(You say that you’re not the one drowning)
“You’re choking on paint again”
It says
And

You are
Dripping down your lips, cold like blood isn’t, not the right shade
Too chalky
Hardening in your lungs, but you missed a spot
So you drink another coat down

It stops talking
And the boy you love washes up on the shoreline
So you wring the blood of his lungs
Set a fire in his heart

And try again