I sat down to write about how you made me feel, Funny,   I thought something indescribeable  would be easy to explain

For the longest time I was In a dark place. With weights of lead bound around my heart. The inside of my skull became  walls that I was forced  to scream at  my flesh  was a barrier to letting the happyness out, my fingers   gripping cold steal triggers trembling pleading to let the grey  matter out
To decorate the walls in my own shade of misery.  
But I'm here
Breathing

It's strange,  for a boy who never leave his room. To sit Under his washing line and listen to the birds  sing. I lie on butter cups as I watch clouds dart between wire and cotton, how did I get here?
What God did I pray too?
Who did I pay?

When my world  was over. My pistol In my hand. You happened.
The cloud that had allways sat just out of sight came running. Galloping . To give me water.  To give me life,

A blue eyed blonde haired mirror of myself emerged,
Your smile Is warm. And kind. Like the evening sun I write this in,
Your touch was wholesome. And craved, you took the freyed edges of the tapastry that had become  my life and started to spin a new story. You took the lead weights  from my heart and melted them  into sinkers so we could catch stories with our fingers,  your skin felt like silk that I could never afford.
With each step  you danced on egg shells as you try  collect my broken pieces
And when a part of my was missing you filled it with a part of you. And now I find myself intertwined.
Here in this warm glow I notice something I've never had before.
The voices In my head have  stopped chiming.  The cries are far away.
Your gifts  have  not stopped coming.  I pray your here to stay
In less time then anyone has ever been in my life you have done so much more,   in less time then it took to knock me down you've built me into something more
I'll never forget the way I feel right now, here. Today.
Because each and every time I see you.
I know I'll stay this way

It happens.
Past any point that any would ever.
Imagine.
Through.
Over.
Inside.
Burned.
And bruised.
Broken.
So broken.
But then.
One must break.
To find.
Exactly.
What fits.
In such a way.
In only one way.
Something that doesn't hold with tape.
Or glue.
Nor a day.
Or two.
And once together.
Regardless of the hardships felt.
There is only momentum to gain.
For when all the pain is in the past.
These eyes can finally open.
And these once twisted paths.
Have never been more clear.
For.
I.
Me.
Know which one I am destined to walk.
And I know.
With whom
I will walk it with.
No matter what it was that we thought.
We stand here now.
Atop the mountain.
Ready.
To take this plunge.
And when I wake.
Will this dream.
Be the reality.
That I will forge.
With this hand.
And hammer.
You brought us back from the brink...
....
And I.
I will keep us from it.
Forevermore.

Smalls hands,
Cold feet,
Passion  every time we meet.
Blind? Maybe.
Dumb? ,probably
Wrong?  Never
Fingers  twisted like pretzels  in our palms
Tearing  out the psalms.
Because  it was sacred  once doesnt mean it is now,
But because  ive been  here  before makes it mean so much more,
My heart has  been broken  battered and bruised.
But still ill hold it up,
For you to use once more x

Hey I know youll read this
Welcome to my life bub.

It's  a mess in here. My head  that is,
Broken glass and shrapnels of lead.
Ive hired  some cleaners before.  No ones ever come willingly
So it means alot that you want the job,
Because  this mess is killing me.

This dark twilight world of crystal clear
Envisioned skies, stars shimmering in the
Limelight of the Milky Ways crest,
Where worlds collide and whole stars reborn
Again like phoenix rising from the ashes...

You found me

In the back of a pickup truck making out?
No. That isn't what love is about.

In the alley way shooting up?
OF COURSE NOT, quite evil enough.

In some boring business meeting where
Nature is an abomination, even an evil?
Never could I imagine...

In an exotic tropic region, near the glistening springs,
Hills green and gleaming flowers still fresh with dew...

They ask me,
“Why do you like fall?
That is when everything begins to die,
It’s a bit tragic, don’t you think?”
But I think it’s kind of beautiful.

The thing about dying is it gives chance for new life,
It is a fresh start.
And so as each leave freely falls,
Floating ever so gracefully towards the ground,
It knows that it is giving space for something new to be created.

And no, we should not forget those leaves,
And I believe that is why they linger,
Because it is okay to mourn the past,
But soon the great wind will pass through the land,
And carry old souls to their new location.

It will be dark,
And even dead for a small bit of time,
But soon, those new beginnings,
Those little buds of life will come sprouting out,
Just when we feel as though we should give up,
Throw in the towel, one might say,
And they will bring hope.

And so, when I think of fall, I think about haircuts,
I think about cutting away the past,
And watching each hair strand float towards the ground.
When I think of fall, I think of a new season,
A chance to try something new,
Perhaps, something I was too afraid to do before.
And when I think of fall, I think of him.

You see, sometimes I do feel sad,
I feel sorry for the leaves,
When their fresh and tight texture becomes wrinkled and old,
I feel bad when they start to lose their bright color,
To something more dull.
When the leaves begin to plummet,
I occasionally want to reach out,
And place it gently back on to its branch,
So that it can stay forever,
Because adventures,
And new lives are scary.

When long strands of hair begin to hit wooden floor,
I fear that I will miss the way things used to be.
New seasons are terrifying,
And hard to adjust to.
So much so that I feel an itch in my throat,
And water building up in my eyes,
That reminds me,
Tells me,
That something new is coming.

And sometimes I fear that I left something safe,
That maybe it would have been easier,
More convenient,
To have stayed.
But the problem with that is I wouldn’t have him.
Because yes, it was frightening to leave,
Especially leave something that had lasted for so long,
But sometimes something cannot last through all of the seasons,
A leaf may look healthy,
And wonderful,
All throughout the spring and summer,
But sometimes true colors begin to show when autumn hits.
And I do not want a leaf,
I want a tree.
Because although the leaves may not last,
A tress always stays.

A leaf is a personality,
But a tree,
A tree is a foundation that can be shaped,
And molded throughout time.
Different leaves will come and go,
But the strong bark stays steady,
Through wind,
Rain,
And snow.
And will gain new insight as spring begins to near.

And I hope that I have found my tree,
Because you, my dear,
Seem as though you will stay.
You are my fresh start,
Better than any haircut, or new season.
I hope that our roots stay strong,
‘Though leaves may fall.
We stand tall,
And hopefully
Together.

Why do I sometimes feel so lost
When even at my kitchen table I no longer recognise the walls decorated in history.
Sometimes I curse the music that ricochets from amp to ear  
For it cannot drown out the sound of my own head
As we sit in an internal silent battle
The voice stirs its last cackle
Its witches brew of smouldering self doubt

When did I start to put so much pressure on myself?
Was it before or after I lost all confidence.
Am I the reason for my own demise
Or the only one who sees me for who I am
Why are some days different
Why.

A million miles, a million nights.
We crossed the desert, thrills and frights.
You took my arm, I longed for it. I took your arm, you felt for it.
It felt so searing, long and dearing;
yet every night it was I fearing,
I had never felt that way before.
You tore my heart,
You gave me more.
Across the sand our story printed,
the dents we made forever minted.
The memories you gave will stay.

For it was you that made me this way.