it is what you most fear, your reoccurring nightmare, the thing you can not grasp, understand, that shorts your brain, that death is the end, there is no after life, no purpose to your existence, no just god sitting on a throne, dispensing justice, punishing the evil, rewarding the good. reality is too hard and harsh, you pray to god, is it true, you are more my creation than i am yours.

how do you reconcile the fact that you know so deep down inside is true. you lie to yourself, suppress the fear, repress the thoughts, ignore what you see with you own eyes. the fear rises, the anxiety worsens, the insomnia lengthens, you fall prey to cognitive dissonance. to understand is to forgive, the anger, the irrational behavior.

the idea that you are mortal is unbearable, that you will die, your flesh rot, and be forgotten. how any man can make sense of it and live, court, marry, have children, when the world has spun out of control, the three horses are here. the pale horse is coming, it will soon be time to die.

Once for the beginning.
Twice for the first of worries.
Third for the edge of eternity's trap.
Fourth for everything else under the sky.

One: The walls never touch and the ends never meet.
Two: Chipped and painted over with open-mouthed lies.
Three: The walls are made up of bone, those of who had been lost here before.
Four: There are no walls, but you're here all alone.

of thee I sing
America, reborn
Four July, any year,

though now, fewer believe, the lie vented
invested
infected
invention of persuasion, magic as hell.

We hold these truths
we hold them
hold them

behold, we hold
these truths, self evident.

Or you ain't we,

the people.

We have gone through more in four short months
Than most do in four years
Strength has already been tested
Faced some of our biggest fears

Winds of change flipped frowns to smiles
Alight with newfound joy
Played around, laughed like kids,
You have shown me life is something to enjoy

Solving life's many puzzles together
Disagreements never would last
Your persistence and my patience
Figured out our muddy past

We have talked through our differences
Also argued for hours on end
Sometimes my lover, occasionally my foe,
Always I see you as a friend

I've cried with your arms around me
Emotions igniting outrage and unrest
Playing doctor dressing metaphorical wounds
Feel so grateful you were there to stitch my chest

You kept me from bad behavior
Rough my recovery was
High we feel when our bodies touch
More serenely severe than any other buzz

Cutting your heart out I witnessed truth
Didn't realize until it was too late
The greatest discovery I've ever made
I can't undo misakes I grew to hate

Things you handled without me near
Things you held my hand the whole way through
Life has shown us lifetimes worth of lessons
Such short time laughter and suffering too

Sick of getting knocked down
Sad because we can't get back on our feet
Our past shows us determination and effort
Will conquer this damaging defeat

Four hours is a funny thing.
In four hours,
I can earn 48 dollars,
or I can shower and make breakfast
while flipping through the pages
of old books
and sipping my bitter coffee.
Four hours...
I suppose some could
save a life or maybe the world
in four hours.
But I cannot.

I can make 48 dollars,
or I can stare at the ceiling
and maybe think big thoughts
and not do much of anything
in four hours.