my father says i tell him bedtime stories,
which technically is true.
tucked under blankets with his ancient lamp,
emitting soft light around the room.

perched on my mother's half,
slivers of a hobby within my brain,
transferring thoughts into words.
with heavy eyes, he listens.

discussing contents of products,
the beauty industry, and my favorite podcast.
telling of fashion designers, cosmetic chemists,
iconic red soles, and what he calls "face goo."

turning the analysis within my mind into words;
rambling, letting tension in my brain drain.
we balance each other out;
puts him to sleep, gives me an outlet.

i tell my father bedtime stories,
all fresh to him, while i've been obsessed.
my wildest dreams I long to be a part of,
while he drifts into his.

all the **** from your mouth that you thought was inspiring
slowly broke me down until my hope was expiring
never opened my mouth to come back with inquiries
just kept my head down and wrote my thoughts in a diary
and you read it, pathetic,
invading my privacy
called me out for feigning sadness and my ‘bogus’ anxiety
cause “im a better dad than mine so shut up and be quiet kid”
“you’re lucky im the head of this dysfunctional dynasty”
well congratulations dad, you’ve earned notoriety
for forcing my respect in the form of compliancy
and disbelieving science and the facts of psychiatry
so i ran away from home to join the freaks of society
where else could i escape from your emotional piracy?

If my father could see me now
I hope that he would be disappointed in me.
It would be easier than knowing
I can make out a man underneath the smoke,
underneath the mountain of ash left on a burning man’s face.
It would be easier to hold water in my hands than accept
that his love would burn me to ash too

why you did it
still escapes me
but nothing else matters
now

all that savings
for better lives,
vows and memories
don’t make it any
easier

some kind of relief
or reassurance
would be great,
but i know there’s
nothing you could say
or do to fully
convince me

i hope It has
my nose or eyes,
but surely It has
your voice

… guess we’ll see

i looked into the
depths of what i could
possibly learn,
hugging the night's silence
in replace of a crowd,
just to hear her secrets.

and she said

sometimes you
will leave the light at
the end of the tunnel
with a lesson
in replace
of your lover

sometimes you will feel
the agenda of a union
an intuition
a gathering of spirit
welling up in yourself
speaking of some dire truth

grab it

your time with such and such
is coming up, you can not take him
or her of them or you,
with you on your next chapter
leave the lover
leave your mother
father and your brother,
and take the lesson.

Dear Dad,
I no longer
Have to sit
Silently as
The words
You say spit
at me like fire.

- It still burns

There is no safest way to face your own darkness and pain
Running from it won't help, it will always catch up to you one way or another
Hiding from it will only eat you up inside, for its the silent parasite that pretends to be passive
You are a lot stronger and braver than you think
You are beautiful and wonderfully made
You don't deserve to cry all your life, you are much precious than that
Pain and sadness is Only a "part" of your life, its not the whole picture
Identify the things that is keeping your from being happy
Bring it to the light by laying it all down through a prayer
For only God knows your heart better than anyone
You don't even have to say a single word for he knows what you need
He Loves you more than anyone could ever love you
For his Love surpasses all understanding
He sees you beyond your failures, your pain, your regrets and incapabilities
For in His eyes, your are always "Enough"

Thousand words
Can be written
On Mother's day ...
For the thousand words
You hear everyday...
Of Mother's love..

No words for Father's day..
For, Father is not a word
But an emotion of boundless
care and love.....
That's neither spoken nor heard
But .....only sensed and felt
So much , Inexpressible by words!!

And dads are always mad
In loving their kids
With madness hidden
Deep in their hearts !!