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xmelancholix May 2017
the universe shakes me awake with an ache in my chest
and for a moment i think it's just my ribs getting stuck again except
I'm not having trouble breathing
like i sometimes wish

i look in the mirror and know I'm not alone
it's four AM
and not a soul stirs
not even my own
i think that's why my chest hurts

mine's dead
i think
and now the spirit it leaves paints itself gold
stroke by stroke
"FALSEHOODS" i scream in the mirror
"falsehoods" the reflection whispers

and i weep
a broken fragment trying to make itself new and worthy
but what a lie
the lies we tell ourselves
and the lies they tell themselves.
nothing is worthy
but hush, just paint them gold
Alan S Bailey Jan 2017
They look at me with pointed sharp eyes,
Tell me it's all in my mind, I must be blind,
I look at the bedroom wall and there is nothing,
Yet my mind every moment is filled with so much activity.
I see this world around me spinning but slowly,
This whole social mirage keeps on changing,
Except when I'm drifting at night at my home,
Good or bad, right or wrong, but never once when
I was alone, was I ever TRULY alone.
They followed me this way and that through
The streets, called to me, scold me or made me laugh,
Vague clay statuesque devils or angels, I could not say,
But in the end you tell me it's all in my mind
When the night becomes day.

You and me, dreams fake, but all in all it's what is the take,
You and me, plain as can be, but we're having fun falling asleep,
Face first into the cake.
You and me, our hopes so free, but we're still stuck where we will
Always be.

So what is real? What is fake? It seems to you there's much at stake,
In daring to dream, daring to fly! Why not just grow old fast,
Whither and die?
So why my grin, why your frown? Could it be that your
Hatred has gotten You down?

It will be a long walk home, trailing turning, all alone,
Over my shoulder I hear your scorn, every day until I'm forlorn.
Every turn I feel their eyes, they never leave, yet it's always been,
Always will be that I'm blind, YOU WIN like you always would,
It's got to be *it's all in my mind...
Alan S Bailey Aug 2016
In life you are a total nobody if you aren't:

A "socialite superstar" who sacrifices moral for popularity
A tech freak
A work-a-holic
A married man or woman (opposite *** only!)
An insensitive "cowboy"
A confederate flag sympathizer (incomparable to ******, I guess)
A religious fanatic
Someone who is so open minded they are open to bad or EVIL
Rich as hell
Extremely violent or purposefully "unaware of bullies"
Anyone who graduated with honors (3.5 or higher, please!)
Certain everyone should work and/or drive
Covered by expensive life insurance
Popular with dozens of "honest friends"
A gun owner who doesn't believe in the need for regulation
A cigarette smoker (but *** is a "bigger devil!")
Hating cross dressers
A nudist hater
Built with a six pack
Absolutely certain that every hippy is "the devil"
A nature hater
Willing to **** anything that moves (they are the pests)
Giving away all natural love for money
One who loves to go to war, a.k.a. "gung-**"
Gifted with perfected teeth
One to ignore the "little lower people" at work/school
A "brown noser," trying to even out-do your mentors
A cheeky person obsessed with being manager (I'm #1!)
Poised to kick someone out on a moments notice (no hustlers here!)
Always on "mommy" and "daddies" side, even if they went too far

The list goes on and on, but you need to be most of these to succeed!
It's a long list! So many sharks! So little care about them...
Alan S Bailey Dec 2015
When men brought him the Pandora's box, guns, the angel of "light,"
The "innocent and perfect" of all love, armed himself to the teeth,
To bestow such "safety,"  around children when armed, allows us to risk
The lives of all while the just "feel safer" having one, "less likely harmed,"
He is enlightened of all things and kills to survive, lives by the sword,
But "can not die, will not die." He is the advent of all this and more,
And he started this practically perfect way of staying safer in order
To find more "dangerous targets," even children, to shoot at in war.
Alan S Bailey Mar 2015
The lakes and streams filled with natures goodness,
Skys eerie and filled with only questions,
The lilting laughs of the young playful women,
And the prompting for springtime suggestions.
I was always laughed at then, ridiculed, a joke.
In the mornings I would bring with me as always
Oats and honey for breakfast. Your beautiful doe
Eyes always batted at me. I was youthful, bearded face,
Strong lean body. My friends had all but abandoned me.
Everyone said we were evil, poisoned fruit from a tree.
The bon fire lit agains all of our faces, sparks flying into the sky.
The woven basket filled with dates, nuts and rice,
My work never finished, speaking of kindness, of life.
They thought I was there to ruin them, to give them over
To the authorities. My dream was to inspire them and give
Them a better understanding of innocent philosophies,
Never once did I mention eternal suffering or grief, let
Alone the way a life without pain. I was there to enliven
Their lives with music, with fine art, wild unruly entertainment,
I never quite respected the forceful authority figures or
The scorn of those who wanted us to "behave,"
But for one reason or another, everyone sought to clean
Up each of my statements.
But you were there, amazon lady, with such strength,
And I your effeminate match, how could it be that I'd found
Such a catch? Our story would go on to be silenced,
Bound with lies, why? Because when they found
Out the truth about us, they sought to change
It to something popular, so they could sell it.
Alan S Bailey Mar 2015
I am the lamp, I am this lighting, using up electricity
I am the wall, I am this part of your expensive home
I am the car, I ride too and from, to work and fun
I am the computer, I addict you and take up your time
I am the heater, I warm you and keep you from sickness
I am the stove, I cook your food and boil your water
I am the fridge, I protect your food and liquids from spoiling

And you are my slave, you will do what I say in return,
Anything and everything, now that you have these things,
You can never be alone, never have a day off, never be free,
Never have enough time to rest or stay at home with family,
Leal Knowone Feb 2015
depression set in
like the priest to sin
trying to hide it
when it all begins
the snow falls down
barring you underground
hell bent and heaven sent
who the **** knows were my mind went
no way to win
put on a grin
hide it again
your souls caves in
exploding imploding
like the shore life eroding
this should not be how time is spent
It seems everyone is having a ****** day, but it just one day, and things will change, and we hope the ******* will go away, so we can once agin have a smile on our face :)
Jacob Oates Jun 2014
Yes I saw the truth in the hillside freeway

In the grilled cheese sandwich

for sale on Ebay

With tortillas and butter they called me a ******

Because I saw the truth in the eyes of another

Who decided to feed me a line of such rapture

That captured my stature of pragmatic backed banter

Gathered the trappings disbanded, I could map out the standard

Wanting the pattern, the vibrancy frequented

Masking the latency, the reader obsequious

Addressing the nuance, ignoring complacency

Significance amplified, convinced of this elevated

Power to axiom, entropy celebrated

Wax to a fault with a message converted

While the layers of encryption serve to hold this position

A raw disposition, hoping to see beyond this decision

I can't see beyond the scope of the eye with conviction.

— The End —