I fell in this hole again
I don't know who i am anymore
I feel the pain the sadness
I hope this doesn't get worst
My mind and feeling are ******
My friends aren't my friends
They lied , i trusted them
But they used med
I've been broken both dating way and
Friendship
I've lost myself once again
I'm trying to find my way back
But it's hard
I'm stressing, over thinking
My depression  coming back , anxiety
I was truly happy for once but then
Out of nowhere it hit me
I felt alone,thoughts like  no one cared

I used to fear depression. Now I look in the mirror and want to smash it into pieces. I put on fake smiles, I have no confidence, no one likes me, I hate this place. Now I know why I feared it.

Passing through the hallway,
Just wearing the mask everyday.
Still breaking inside,
Because you're still in my mind.

Seeing you happy,
Makes me want to cry.
Is it funny?
Cause I just smile.

I can't move on,
What is going on?
I don't know what happened,
You just disappered all the sudden.

Do you see her?
There with the hair with side parting.
Do you know how much she have been hurting?

I've been watching her,
Everyday she puts on her makeup and smile,
She's been doing that for a while.
There's something she's hiding,
Those eyes tell something else,
Especially when there's no one else.

I've heard she said sorry once,
Sorry if she's boring them,
She was talking anxiously but stop in middle.
Like somewhere in her mind that being her is just too much.
At the end of each day,
There's something different than when she came,
It's like the whole day she's just struggling to survive.
Being overworked trying to show how she's alive.

Outside the public world,
Her life is not quite alright,
Those circles under her eyes were not overnight,
And those coffees were always the lightest roast ; Burnt not even a slight.


-HIY

I know a girl who's hurting,
But you don't see her cry or pout.
In fact, you'd never know it was her
Unless I pointed her out.

She tries so hard to keep on smiling,
To hide her noose and gun.
But inside, I know she's dialing
Her depression's 911.

All that you can see her as
Is happy, skinny, tall.
But long before you knew her,
Her hopes had begun to fall.

There's still some left of what she was.
Independent, Loving, and Strong.
But there's only so much you can do to cope,
When you've been so sad for so long.

You'd never know she cuts herself
For every sorrow she keeps.
You'd never know that every night,
She cries herself to sleep.

You still think she's so happy?
You haven't reached your goal.
Instead of listening to the stories she tells,
Try listening to her soul.

On the surface
I
Put on a smile
Laugh
Pretend to have fun

On the inside
I
Bite my lip
Cry
Wish there were something I could do
To change how I feel

Fake smile,
           Dried eyes,
                       Scratched wrists,
                                         Bruised thighs,
                                                         White pills,
                                                                      Rope tied,
                                                                                Gun loaded,
                                                                                                     *Suicide.

Where I was, was bad,
But where I am is worse.
I feel like they’re taking away who I am,
Filling my bloodstream with anti-depressants,
Forcing me to become someone I’m not
Someone I don’t want to be.
The fact remains that my sadness defined me
Struggling against the medication
Desperately attempting to hold onto the part of me that’s me
Wanting so badly for my days to mean something
Instead of the same bland depressing schedule I face everyday
The pills do nothing but supress my suicidal thoughts to my subconcious
So I'm forced to fake a smile, one unlike any other.
This one is to keep them from increasing my dosage,
And I'm scared.
I've never felt so alone
This is what I get
For asking for help