Well,
Ive done it again .


I am my own worst enemy,
Like im my worst friend.

Its like i am my own demon.
Plauging my own name.

How do i defeat this demon.
If its in my own body i wake.

I am my own demon.
Causing my own hell.
I cannot see a reason,
Is what it tells me well.

Sometimes i lose my angels,
They have to keep a range.

Thats because this demon,
Is in control and playing games.

But these games are not safe.
There dangerous, they can cause pain.

After every tempation implyed,
The sin just brings my bane.

Sorry to all whom i hurt.
Says the real me;
Hidden inside, restrained in chains.
While this demon runs a muck.
Thats my true pain.

Its like i am my own demon.
I hurt, again and again.
But the real me just wants love.
To give and feel, in the end.

How do i defeat this demon,
If the mirror says its me.

Because killing this demon,
Would seal me to pain, worse,
Than this purgatory.

They say Gods alive,
And that the Father , He will talk.

If ive heard any thing, its that with
My angels i will walk.

But how from all That they can protect me from.
Can the save me from this demon.
From which i wish to run.

The answer i know not,
But still i must fight with what i got.

A broken heart, racing mind and body of sloath

Mind circles thoughts.
Heart feels lost,
Body is weak and my spirit,
Feels wroth.

Im sorry to those ive hurt.
Says the real me,
The real heart.

But i just might end up there again,
Even though i hate its end.
It doesnt make friends..

Enemies will be sent,
But it just cant be helped at times,
Says the demon of such a wretch.

How do i defeat once again in life,
The demon that comes around.
If the real me just wishes silently.
Making not a sound.


Well, ive done it again

I slipped and you caught me.
You're holding on to me so tight.
You have both of my hands in yours.
Im hanging off the edge of a cliff and I'm trusting you to pull me up.

But you don't.

You tied rope around my wrists as I stared into your eyes but I saw nobody there in you.
My wrists are burning and I'm too scared to move for if I do I might fall into an abyss.

So I stay. I have no choice.
You left for days. You would come back to check on me. To make sure I was still alive.

As long as I'm breathing, I'm yours.

Weeks went by and I realized I'd rather die than be yours.

So I let go.

Why have you stopped writing
little nothings that hold such big
meanings?

I long to read your words and
hear your whimsical voice and
the sounds that escape your
mouth when you laugh.. Just
tell me what I need to say to
bring everything back..

I know right now you're surrounded
by the darkness; lost within your mind
and what's around you that makes you
want to (maybe)  cry?

I'm trying to be supportive and stick to
your side- I'm sorry that I'm at a loss
for words; and that I'm not sure why.

I'm supposed to know what to say, aren't I?

It is better to try and fail,
Better to give it your best shot,
Than it is to let fear prevail,
To scupper the chance you have got.
To be afraid is natural;
Fears are real let us not forget.
But what you should fear most of all
Is a whole lifetime of regret.

All those chances you did not take,
Opportunities slipped away,
Those changes you chose not to make
Because you let fear rule the day.
But you can change in the future,
Many chances will come your way.
And even if you are unsure
Feel the fear, Do it anyway!

Whenever you smile at me,
I try...
I try not to smile to myself
But my lips betray me
They move slowly over time
Corners turn upwards and curved line

When your eyes crinkle at the corners
I try...
I try not to notice
How long your lashes are
Or how your eyes reflect the light

When you laugh and double over
I try...
I try not to wonder
What made you laugh so hard
Or why I'm not laughing even harder

I try...
I try so hard to pretend not to care
When in fact I do, I really, really do
And all I need is for you
To try to notice that I need you.

I want to bask in your presence,
and revel in your smile,
meditate in your peacefulness,
and sing with you a while.

I want to share with you your glories,
and weep with you your fails,
praise you in your Heaven,
and suffer with you in your Hell.

I want to observe you in your spotlight,
and draw the curtains when you're not,
Be your sidekick in your rebellion,
and lie for you when you're caught.

I'll greet you in the morning light,
with my blurred line of wants and needs,
If the Universe grants my wish,
so begins the journey of you and me.

I close my eyes and count to ten,
I try to count sheep; those *******.

The haunting thoughts keep me up,
I'm exhausted but restless.

I try and try to keep my eyes shut,
Then once again I fail.

Maybe I'll sleep better in this position,
I think as I roll over.

Thoughts race through my mind
And continue to keep me up.

The good, the bad, and the ugly,
They all have the same effect.

The pillow is too hot, time to flip it,
Yeah, I'm sure this will help.

But I can't sleep because my life is
A living nightmare.

"Bring your gumboots and rain coat, we're going on an adventure"

Lost, going around in circles; embarrassing.
Rainy, sick, "Let's go".
Pizza! Closed... cue more embarrassment.

Car rides along the main street, soft music playing
"Can I borrow that towel for my hair?"
Picks place to eat.
"Let's become humans again"

Dry hair, deodorant, changing shoes.
Struggle...
Horn blaring.
"This looks weird. Windows fogging, horn going, scraggly hair"
Awkward belly laughs.

Best avocado burger and aioli chips ever.