Well it’s nice for you in a family with money full of truly intelligent people. I’m not hard off but I’m not all that wealthy, My family aren’t that smart so neither am I But I swear to God I’m trying. You may think I appear to be smart but really I’m not, I guess you can always call me average. I grew up being thick in the bottom of bottom sets, So now I’m near the top I feel proud but success will soon wither for me. I’m desperate to do my best and make it good enough. I need to feel accomplished and like I’ve really gotten somewhere Even though I came from nowhere. I’ve started at the bottom and now I want to get up there, Too bad I feel so hopeless. So far I’ve always tried to prove myself - I know at the moment it seems to be working, However I’m reaching the cut off line where I can’t just talk and be convincing. I need these real grades to prove myself to me and everyone around me.
I'm looking at the number, But it is too young And too old. It's when everything is decided And I've already messed up. I'll never be able to forget how bad life is, Because I won't get the chances to take my mind of it. I've failed now, that I can't change, But it effects my grades, Which will effect my far future grades, Effecting what job I could get, So I won't have the money to enjoy life; To let me forget how ****** up I've become. Everything is failing now. Yet still I am supposed to stay and happily watch. How many times do I have to say "I don't want to be here?" If it's the number I've started with; Then I think I should be gone. 16 years, do I have to have even 16 more?
I'm going to fail everything I'm about to try, there is honestly no question about it and it's my fault because I didn't try hard enough like I intended to. But when intensions don't become real they may as well not be there at all.
I should waste more time revising. I feel as though it may benefit me; may I extrapolate the fact I stated waste more time, not spend. I could use that time practicing songs on my bass or beating Mario’s *** on the GameCube. I feel mediocre but that’s okay because I AM mediocre; and a sell-out. I should make that point clear. I smoke; not like a chimney, it depends on if I feel like combusting into a cloud of tobacco ash. I would happily crementate my being. I would happily get hit by a car and become the road ****. I would happily fall from a concrete building into a six foot deep cavern. Passive suicidal thoughts at eight in the mourning; just like coffee but it doesn’t make you need to ****. Just those bitter moments you need to get your day started on the wrong side of the bed.
Excuse my spellings of combusting and crementate...both mean to burn in some way or another... This was the only time i stressed about exams and i never really stresses. im glad its over. i do smoke a lot more now.