Also: I feel ******* sick. Not physically. Although: sometimes the pit in my stomach feels like the point of this lose's impact.

Actually:  this feels incredibly age appropriate.

Also: I don't define myself by what I don't like. People know what I like. And that's love and poetry and lipy kisses and the final season of Girls and volunteering.

Actually:  when you said the word "actually" after anything positive or interesting, it made me feel like you defined yourself by what you didn't like and since we met, things got so good for you that you were pleasantly surprised by a constant string of nice things you started to see again (or maybe only started seeing for the first time).

Also: now that it's over, I wonder how often you say "actually."

Actually: I'm half freaked half stoked to see you Friday night.

Also: I keep searching for the perfect song to send to you that communicates exactly how I feel; mainly because we aren't talking right now and I've gotten so used to secretly coded  artistic messaging doing all of my talking for me. Something by Lucy Rose, I think.

Actually: I'm afraid to reach out too soon because I don't want to admit I want you and also I don't want to give you false hope.

Also: I think about you constantly. And also you constantly.

Actually: I killed it way too soon and started something new so fast that my head is spinning and all I really want is to say sorry to your bottom lip for my absence.

Also: I feel immense guilt.

Actually: that bottom lip I want to apologize to for my absence, I also need to apologize to for making stick out when your face was that red and your cheeks that wet. Because making you cry. Those eyes. Those sounds. ****! I'm sorry I ever made you cry. I'm so sorry. Please never cry. Never cry. Please.

Also:  I don't ever want the cotton of my shoulder to be so saturated.

Actually: I made a decision based on my gut that had me sure of myself for the 3 weeks leading to my birthday and now 2 weeks since my birthday, I can't find the security in my gut.

Also: 30 doesn't feel more secure at all.

Actually: I need space but I haven't been able to count on myself to create it.

Also: I'm super worried these feelings won't die because, even though I both do and don't want them to, I know they need to to make these feelings grow.

Actually: I know I said I was up for the gamble. And we really just might win it all. But I might also lose it all.

Also: I think I'm exactly where I am supposed to be in my socialization.

Actually: **** makes me paranoid and ***** makes me feel fat but sleep and cardio and water and caffeine make me feel ******* good.

Also: not a huge fan of raw fish that isn't tuna. Also: **** seaweed salad.

Actually: I just want to be the best version of myself. Character matters. I'm gaining experience. I want **** to be easy. It's not and won't be. And that's fine. I just don't want to hurt anyone. I want to search and feel and taste and

Make love
love
love.

What is a writer's block?
It does come as a shock,
When epic lit. grinds to a halt,
It is not the writer's fault,
How to express yourself,
Barriers to books on the shelf,
It's called a writer's block,
It does come as a shock.....

Beauty is poetry
Its the expression of emotion
liturature with style
written for others or ones self
In silence or said out loud
Every word is specific
Written with quality
Not quantity
It's soft and soothing
Written with beauty
That's an art
That's poetry
Read one and fall into an illusion
It draws the action, the place
It keeps rhythmitic pace
Its graceful
And full of passion
Feelings you can't bare
Using words to slash them
Poetry is art it's an action
A battle with each verse
Expressing
The best and the worst
Breaking each emotion with taste
Moving with motion
Without haste
Its poetry not a waste
Its defining
Your feelings with grace
Poetry is words
With art
Its music without instruments
Its commonsense
To express
Poetry is Like ***
You can **** or  love
It can be beautful or rough
Did I define it enough
This is poetry
And It's not dead

I ******* rock it
Then I lay it down

I am not a quitter, sick spitter
**** I just flow in rounds

atmospherics an
******* stellar sounds

Lyrics of astrophysics,
like chemistry
I just shape the ground

just huddle
But do not make a sound

I crush a cypher, decipher words into crooked nouns

Instant reaction to actions,
My riddles break the crowd

I've adapted to hard labor now

Can't **** with the vision
I'm here to **** it
and change the sound

Bicycle wheel spinning, I'm grinding
I need to get around

Flow soulful, for the soul
like I'm the golden child

Y'all so so, I go super sayin
No super wild

No delaying, I'm not evening playing
You're played out

Penetrator is coming through now
Left-over flow ******* better eat their food now

2016 fiend, ***** this just a new style

I hit the restart button, say **** the hard drive, bike peddling to work say **** the hard ride, living life is easy I say **** the hard times

I'm choking the game, I'm looking to ******* hog tie

Business this
you can **** on my long tie...

Young killer
been spittin it for a long time

Past due with my ******* come up

Ain't nobody ******* with the vision I'm blowing up

Cutting all these lames like division
So I can it add up

All of the positives, at heart I'm an optimist, don't **** with my oxygen
You can't breath what I breathe, **** your accomplishments, I will squash all of them I just abolish bums

Don't **** with my vision, I will **** for what is mine
and do it with precision

All these hoes just multiply
I divided with the quickness

All these fakes just want to try
don't try cause your missing

**** all of the rules
***** I am a misfit

I am just a ghoul, no goblin, no riches

The world is full of fools
Who can't **** with my vision

I say ******* to society

I've given up sobriety

Iron man with Iron feet

I will run with no defeat


You don't know the half of it


**** the negativity

I am positivity

This is my nativity


You can't even tell it's me

The future & the past will meet

Everything is obsolete

I travel in infinity


That's why I hit the alt delete

You can check my Windows

No one is controlling me


I do what I *******, please

Apple Fruit and Mac & Cheese

That's how it's supposed to be


As easy as a notice to evict

You're supposed to leave


As easy as a punch to the stomach

Don't expect breath


As easy as can be

Don't expect to be a friend to me


My inner intense sneeze

Rhyme schemes & remedies



I cascade into cadence

of sounds created from synergy


I make friends not enemies

those who refuse will

never hear the end of me


I connect thoughts

Like physical human centipedes


I dissect words like

frog legs & vasectomy


Perpendicular is my literature

Therefore you can't get to me


No gravity

my styles wild

It's outlandish


My sanity is inbound

Like planes landing


You're plain jane

I'm James cameron


I make waves

Then face cameras


I make change

and then hand it


I'd still **** if I was one handed


I'm still ill, I got skills


I'm a digital bandit, lyrically rampant  


spiritually sanctioned


my riddles are of mental chemicals unbalanced

because of Ritalin i spit ballads


how will this shooting effect our generation, public perception

government deception

and of course the voting ballet


tables have turned all is madness

what will the democrats and republicans say about fifty something bodies laying down a decade

It will all sound the same

public & social media hate

what stand will you take?

its crazy how all we do is debate


I stand for humanity, human lives unified not by destruction nor vanity

but the construction of

beliefs higher than religious crosses, Tall Buildings & Canopies


It's classism

Just subtract the can of beans

A ripple of mass ignorance is a brand you see


It's hate

no marketers

Hate is self-marked

We hate the unknown & don't accept

People's accomplishments


It's comfort

Drink your coffee slow

Do you know where a target is?


The same amount of a coffee

equals a meal for starving kids


It's marvelous how important

The stain on that carpet is


When most people don't have a place

Nor know what comfort is


This substance

is brought to you by A sober mind

one that is under the influence

Of motivation injected into the brain

Via increments


My sentences
are a result of elements

Past present & prevalent

I've learned the benefits

of being an optimus

Optimism is key I'm just looking up


I universally believe

that we are capable of being one


just smile when you see Sun

This journey has just begun

- stellarhero