So I had something written down but then I completely erased it. It felt as if I wasn't saying much.

So I'll try this. In a relationship people always have this objective of trying to save someone. I don't know if that makes sense. But someone is always trying to be your hero. Like they feel that they have the power to make you feel safe yet be able to take that away from you. Because without a hero like maybe Superman or Spiderman where would the city be right?

But I think differently. Getting to know you made me realise something. I wanted to be my own hero so that I can be the best girlfriend ever. I wanted to be my batman so that I can protect you, my Gotham city.
But as time moved on. You opened wounded layers of me and you still are opening them. And you're by my side helping me close them. And then I thought to myself. Wow this girl is amazing.
She's not the typical I want to be your hero person any random person meets.

You showed me something about a relationship. It's not about being your own hero but that does play an important role. It's about finding someone who connects with you. It's about finding someone who's willing to help you with your journey. About finding someone who's helping save you. Someone who's by your side.
Like a sidekick. Most people think less of them. But look at Batman. He has Robin. And without him Gotham isn't safe.

Look at the Avengers as weird as it seems they have more than one person helping each other out.

Or even Spider-Man. He has his own guys with the help of Shield.

I'm getting to my point don't worry.

See the problem of having to be your own hero is that we have cracks that we can not get closure or get them filled alone. And for that we ignore them. And these cracks just keep on getting worse until we are at a point whereby we don't know. Literally we don't.

For example one of my cracks I have is my lack of confidence.
On my own. I would have probably ignored it or come up with a situation whereby I just need to lose more weight. I'd probably be anorexic by now.

But because I have someone like you. I'm finding ways of trying to appreciate myself. Because I'm a beautiful person. I'm a good kid. My baby says so and it's true.
You help me help myself be better. You're by my side as I try to save and find myself.

Which is something I want to do for you
It's something I'm going to do for you. I want to be your sidekick. Your Robin.
Opening up is hard. I know and I understand. I care so very deeply for you baby. Shucks I'm madly in love with you
I want what's best for you. I want you to have the most amazing life ever. I want your heart and mind free from everything that torments you.

But what I do not want to do is force you ever.
I will never get impatient with you. And even if you push me away. I'll stay right here and keep it solid.
Each time you're sad. I'll type the longest message ever. Especially if I can't get to you immediately

I love you. I really do
And I'm here. To talk or not, I know that sometimes we just need to be there for one another and not talk. Just for us to embrace each others presence and I'll be there for that

I'm your Reastar
Your girlfriend
Your best friend
I'm yours

The innoncence is dying inside of me
With every exposure to evil tearing it out
No purpose in sewing these wounds
It's universally seen as normal
To lose an optimistic outlook

After this year it'll be completely vanished
I'll share the same laughter
But it will never reverberate again
Not after my innocence comes to an end

Why does everyone say
That pain is a negative emotion?

I could not find a more positive one,
Anywhere I look.

Pain makes us see new colors
That never existed before.
Pain shows us words
That we couldn't speak before.
Pain guides my hand,
As I paint what I feel.
Pain makes my works of art masterpieces.
Pain builds a platinum wall around me,
And covers my heart with stone.
It exposes me till there is nothing left to show
Except my nobly bones.
It shows the world
The truest form of me.

Say what you will,
Try to move on as much as you want.
At the end of the day, you can be sure,
That pain will be
Your best enemy.

I fear that I am too much
That no one could ever see it all
That even I could not comprehend me
I have always been too easily
Misinterpreted
I fear that I am too honest
I tell when asked and
I answer all questions fully
When things need not be
Exposed
I fear that I am too tough
I am not feminine enough
Violence is always an option
Words do not hurt me
Anymore
I fear that I am too independent
I cannot help the way I was raised
In the middle of five children
I was surrounded yet
Alone
I fear that I am not capable of love
That all of these might hinder
Any progress before it has begun
That it might be lost, drowned within
Apathy

I fear that I am too much to be loved

Janice was
by the pram
sheds when I

came along
she was flushed
and upset

what is up?
I asked her
I've just seen

a man in
Jail park who
showed me his

whatsit-called
as I walked
along by

the flower
bed and I
didn't know

what to do
Janice said
is he still

there? I asked
I don't know
she replied

let's go see
I told her
I'm not sure

I  want to
go back there
she replied

I'm with you
otherwise
you'll never

go back there
I replied
she was pale

and frightened
don't worry
I've seen his

type before
he'll soon run
when I come

and tell him
I'll cut off
his **** ****

Janice blushed
Benny that's
swearing

what would Gran
say if she
heard those words

Janice said
I won't tell
your grandma

if you don't
I tell her
now let's go

so she comes
with me though
the Square and

across Bath
Terrace and
into the Park

but the man
wasn't there
but he was

inside the
head of poor
Janice and

often dreamed
of him in
nightmares she

used to have
afterwards
she told me.

I lay you down on the floor
Displayed for all to see
How was I to know that
What you needed wasn't me?

What you needed was closure
And you craved less exposure
To the damage of reality
Yes, then you'd be free

But that was of no avail
To you, at least, my love
Instead you ended up falling
I hope now you'll rise back up

I apologise for everything
That I did and didn't do
I apologise in knowing
That I did this to you