It's as if we're climbing
over mountains,
except by some cruel trick
we trek along the fault line
rather than across
and as we crest each painful saddle
there is no choice
but to slide back down the other side,
blistered, limping, starved,
and carrying too much weight,
hoping the next peak
will be the last.

Except,
it's nothing like climbing mountains,
for at least in the mountains
I can breathe.

can't be bothered
to lift my feet
I drag along, the empty street

my head throbs
my body aches
my eyes open, I'm not awake

always tired
can't sleep
sometimes I, forget to eat

this life I live
has me exhausted
my own agenda, has me hostage

Exams:
How wonderful they are
Because in the moments leading up to them
I’m ******* happy
A fantastic sense of euphoria
Something I haven’t felt in forever
Because teachers stop teaching
A few days before
Easy reviews and exam prep starts
And I get to relax
Nothing new to learn
Just old things to remember
Then they actually happen
And I remember why they’re so horrid
Cramming the night before
When your friends tell you
The test wasn’t as easy as you’d hoped
And remind you that no amount of prep could prepare you
Exams are ******* hard
Don’t you dare try to tell me otherwise.
I cry myself to sleep after hours of staring blankly at a full sheet of paper
Eyes wandering but not focusing
My mind turned to madness
Euphoria gone all too soon
And I’m back to hating myself
Wanting to quit and give up everything
But I can’t
Because as everybody says
It’s just exams
Like they don’t realize the anxieties and pressure that come from those four letters
I hate them
And the worst part is I know I’ll survive them
And have to suffer through again next year
And the year after that
Until the year that the exams conquer me
Absolutely destroying me inside and out
And I guess I’ll just wait for that to happen
Hopefully sooner rather than later.

There once was a Mum on a train
her teen was becoming a pain
She patted her hair
and said “ Oh there, there”
and smiled though her patience did wane.

The bags under my eyes are so packed
that they’re ready for a two week long trip to Japan
The weights on my eyelids are so heavy
that they’re lifting 15 lbs dumbbells as a 5th grader
The crunch of my voice is so thick
that it’s driving on a gravel back road at 10 mph
My body is so exhausted
that it may as well be buried six feet under without a bell tied to my hand.

At times of great darkness
Even death is seen as
A merciful light of hope.

Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep,
I sincerely doubt I can,
Coffee, more coffee.

The bliss of a good day is gone
A calm, dull darkness spreads in me
I don’t really feel sad
I don’t feel scared or worried
Neither excited nor happy
Actually, I don’t feel much at all
I just exist in some twisted, tiresome way
My head hurts of bad sleeping habits
And too little food
And I’m still wearing my tights pants
I never had the energy to take them off
My house is a mess and my kitchen is weary
But how can I clean when I can’t catch the glimpse of an energy boost
Not even a hint of a little hopefulness
How can I do things when I can barely keep myself awake?
My life is good and generally, I’m happy
But every time I set foot in this cursed apartment
It all comes back to me, like a light switch
And suddenly -
All that joy is gone
And what remains is merely a blanket from the past.