Cakes, cookies, cheese
Oh can I have them please
Burgers, dogs, fries
I can’t live with all these lies

Friends, fakes, foes
Oh what I’d do for some ** hos
Mascara, lipstick, eyeliner
I wish I was in a greasy diner

Short skirts and high heels galore
I’m starting to look like a *****
They say they’re worried of my composure
They are the reason I changed my figure

Skin and bones they say
But they said I was the size of a sleigh
I did this for them to make them happy
But here I am unhappy and former fatty

i sometimes joke that i'm going to win the lottery & use the money to spoil my cats,
but, realistically, i would use the money to buy a gym membership & a month-after-month-long supply of protein shakes
so that i could be skinny.

mother frowns at stick thin girls;
i'm not sure if it is the size zero that worries her lip, or my longing,
or that she does not understand the comfort in emptiness.

look—
this world is ugly,
but others are perhaps uglier.
when all is broken, at least i shall have my hunger

what is it that keeps you whole?
i want to kiss something beautiful,
& hold it between my lips forever.

Do you ever feel so ugly in your own skin?
Where you pinch and grab at your physical reasons to hate yourself
All the taunts and cruel phrases relive in your jiggles
You fad diet yourself into comfort,
Only to be reminded of your deep scars as you catch a glimpse in the reflection
You strive for societal perfection as you let yourself slip into a cracked version of someone you were
The fear that happiness is gone for good
And this is all that's left

The plastic mat that my mother placed on the bottom of the bathtub
To keep my brother and I from slipping in the shower
Prints circular patterns into my shins as I force up the first
Home cooked meal she’s made in months.
The music plays at full volume and the vent hums its disheartening song,
Drowning out the retching sounds coming from my lungs, and I start to shiver beneath
The river of steaming water drumming against my back.
Water is infinitely more comforting than any human touch has ever been.
The heat on my back sends goosebumps down my arms and I think about
How it would feel to be held by something other than
Warm water and moonlight.
Am I so damaged that the only sensations I would feel are
My heart in my throat and a tsunami of fear that would rush over me
Like the water washes over my back?
I sit in the bottom of the tub staring into my ***** as it stares up at me.
The pattering of the water hitting my flesh whispers softly
You are not enough.
You will never
Be enough.
I rest my head against the chilling tiles of the wall
And the words soak into my skin before I can think to wash them away.

My life's in vain
I'm going insane,
And I can't help feeling sad

I'm going bonkers,
I've fell off my rocker,
And I'm completely, utterly mad

Caught in confusion,
My minds a delusion,
And in the shadows I hide

My life's a mistake,
Filled with things that I break,
No matter how hard I tried

I'm not doing so well,
I'm going through hell,
They ignored my hapless pleas

I fell to the ground,
And wept without sound
They left my down on my knees

Away I was tossed,
And now I'm so lost,
I feel so wonderfully dumb

I cried my tears,
And I faced my fears,
But everything now is just numb

2 a.m knows my woes,
And as a write this prose,
A tear slides down my cheek

A sob breaks free,
And I whimper softly,
That I'm so pathetic and weak

My skin is stained,
From the blood that I drained,
From my wrist in a thin little line

I perfect a disguise,
With a smile full of lies
And everyone thought I was fine

My mind's in a whirl
The demon gave a slow curl
Of his bony skeletal finger

He crept up to me,
And smiled nastily,
"You'd be prettier if you were much thinner"

I smiled a fake smile,
And held on, for a while,
but my life was filled with strife

My blood was red,
And mixed with tears that I shed,
Left alone in the room with a knife

So I put on a mask,
and completed the task,
I placed the gun to my head

I curled my finger,
And pulled the trigger,
And In the end I was dead