when you need him
he will be there for you
in spirit and in your heart
for a father’s love could never fade
no matter how long he’s been gone
and in moments when you’ve forgotten
what it feels like to have him near
he will remind you in ways
unimaginable
in the little things like flowers and birds
the clouds or the rain
and you will know
your father’s love will forever remain
untouched and by your side
tell him you love him
even if you think no one’s listening
he will tell you he loves you more
through the wind in the trees
listen closely for it
and he will listen closely for you
forever and always

Tendrils, memories cascade a stormy mind
Now where did I leave my pride
Forgotten now, a pearly shell on a distant shore
My death will be fierce, I am not afraid to die
But pain, well I’m drowning in it
And I can barely tolerate saying hello
To my dear friends, my loving family
Just tell them to go away and take the pain with them
I’m floating now, ****** clouds waft across an indigo sky
Listen to the echoes, a song from long ago
“Georgia on My Mind”
My heart flutters, I am 17, I meet my first love
Exhilaration, freedom, I can be anyone, anything!
The pages of time, turn swiftly now
Feelings fall away like confetti
I am angry, I am happy, I am sorry, I am sad
I am more and sometimes I am less
Through it all I am me
I will not let cancer take me away from me
For I have you dear lord
and I know there is more
Dear Lord, send my sisters Rose and Bella to get me
Tell them to bring Goldie, my dear dog
I am ready
Just got to sort everyone else out before I go

i used to think it was a pathetic thing,
to be scared of dying .
then the universe gave me you
and i never wished to be more alive .

I’m thinking all my charcoal thoughts—
Scorching on my mind—
I’m thinking all my crumbly words
Are worth the dark’s dull time
I sit here in the dark
And watch the embers burn
The feelings of the faces here
Mean nothing in the urn.
I sit against cold tiles,
Hiding in the dark
The fire burns me inside out
I’m alone, I’m hurt.
I sit deep in the fire
I have no more bones to give
All my blood is boiling
And my eyes have all but caved
I sit here in the fire
And think my charcoal thoughts
I want nothing else to do
With anything but dust.
Burn the legs and up the arms
I’m done with walking free
Burn the brain, the heart, the soul
I retire to the dream.

Life is just a long exam

Some pass

But most fail

I am studying.
I am dying from exams.
I should get some sleep.



Don't you just love exams?
I don't.
I hate it

and listen
to the sound
of your breath

one day,
you won't hear it
anymore

Should I be worried about something?
I stood by the bed and everyone cried, I held his hand and felt nothing
Quite literally since my grandpa was dead
But also because there might be something wrong inside of my head
I observed the time and told the nurse who walked in the room
One week later he was in a tomb
More like a six foot box in a wall
Flowers and a name as a rememberance is all
We visit occasionally my parents and I
An empty flower vase greets us each time
I take one from Dorothy's box right next door
Her family doesn't visit her anymore
But her flowers are there everytime that we go
So I move them around, it's not like she knows
My mother cries and my father stands strong letting one or two tears hit the ground
But I stand there and read names of strangers all around
Leaving behind people like my parents who mourn and remember
And granddaughters like me who don't cry and whatever
My mom calls it being strong for the family and says I'm okay
I think she's in denial of my lack of display
But alas a tear fell in fourth grade
I recall, putting my cat down at such a young age
Made me realize that death is a gateway to nothing
But leaving behind family that struggles with living
So I just won't show it anymore I determined when we left the vet place
I walk right by death and I don't leave a trace
He could knock on my door and I'd take him by the hand
Show him the bed and where to stand
Just like I stood during my grandpa's last day
He can stare at me and wonder looking on
Is there something wrong with this human?
I find myself thinking that I know it all, but I still am left asking
Should I be worried about something? Is it okay to feel nothing?