No more crying
No more pain
my life with tears like rain
I'm saying goodbye,
standing on my chair without fear,
With a broken heart and six bottles of beer,
drinking and thinking
about my darling dear,
i knot and tie,
I'm Ready to die,
time to jump off with all my might,
i hope it don't break even if i fight,
rope around my neck,
i double check,
hear I come
smiling with death and my last breath,
I'm your romeo and you where my juliet,
my life I can no longer fake
letting you die alone was my
biggest mistake.

My name is Erin
and i was *****
at the age of 7

it has taken me
14 years of my life
for those 13 words to escape
my hollow mouth

the only questions i come to now
is why
why lock me in that room
why take everything from me
my innocence
my purity
my childhood

in that room
where my family trusted you
where i trusted you
the night terrors i have to this day
still haunt my mind

like a never ending
drive in movie that plays
over
and
over
only the moon in the night sky
isnt made to be found here
there is no light in these terrors

i cant sleep this time of year
because every time i do
its you
in that room
locking the door
shutting the windows
******* me
yelling at me
every single night
i close my eyes

it has taken me 14 years
to accept the fact that i was taken by you
i have been numb ever since
left in the dust
rotting away at the core
thinking i was nothing
thinking i deserved nothing
because you took everything

but not anymore
i will recover from this
i am strong enough
i believe in myself
i believe in my own happiness
and i promsie
that when i have children one day
i will never ever let them rot at the core
i will find happiness
the darkness will not take over this time

“Oh, you sorry fool

You’ve cut your fingers

Plucking on

my puppet strings

AGAIN!!

When will you learn?

Souls like his

Were not meant

for souls like yours

He will live his

whole entire life

And not once

think twice

About the color of

your eyes”


I jokingly tell my friends

That my daddy issues are

The root of these

crushes on older men

But they don’t know

the hurt

Behind those words

It is hard to explain how

The man I'm

sleeping with

Is/could be my

Dad!

Because of this

I now have

Borderline

Personality

Disorder


But I can't

Exactly

talk about

About what

happened

I try to tell my

friends, they

Say

“Well every

teenager

has mood

swings”

But they have

Not seen

How crazy

I can be!

I warn boys I am

crazy

they laugh

and

say

They’ve dealt

with crazy

Girls before

I am too

embarrassed

To tell them

when

They forget to say

goodnight to me

It feels like

the harshest

abandonment,

The cruelest

betrayal,

And I not knowing

How to deal with this

Constant denial


How do you explain

that to someone?

so blissfully unaware,

This boy

I love

with all

all my heart

And then some

Says he will

fight for me

And I so badly

Want to believe in his

promise

But he does not know

It will be a battle

against himself

Because I

Do not know

how to be

with someone

Because I

Am better off alone

Because I

Ruin people

I have a system,

you see.

I let boys put

Their tongue

in my mouth

Their hands

on my

chest

I let myself

believe

Ill fill the hollow

space in my gut

At least take my

mind off of it

And I always

make sure

They like me

more

Than I

like

them

Because

I cannot

be caught

Off guard

again

I remember

the day

I told myself

I didn’t need my dad

He has tried

to work his

Way back into

my life

And I hated

him for it

With all

of my

being

I had never

despised

a human

so much

so I let go

I stopped

Talking

to him

To this

Day

I still

Cry

he still has not

said sorry

Even if

I'd still

Feel

Nothing

The memories

are crushing

Feels so

Heavy

I cannot

forgive

my dad

For what

he did

To me at 2

Years old

And I have never

felt worse

about

Anything in

my life!!

So I take a

silver

spoon

And dig out

the parts

of me

That still

hurt

And I let

men crawl

inside

And I let

them build

a home

So I can finally

be good for

something

All my friends

Growing up

Called me

a ****

*****......

And I want

to scream

They don’t

understand

This is

the only

way I feel

I am worth

anything

This is the

only thing

I can feel

If I could have

it any other

way

I would

But this is the

way things are

And this

Is the way they will

continue to be.
#daddy #issues #**** #*** #men