I don't want to be trapped any longer
will I ever be freed from this cage?
will I fly with the heavenly skies?
or will I fall into the dark abyss that waits for me below?
emotions as still as cloud now turn into blades
cutting my wings making me plummet down
to the unwanted list of abandoned children
unable to be better
unable to breath
unable to see or hear
unable to fly once more
will another come to save us or will the blades cut their wings
the angeles are afraid to fall
and so they leave us, the children of abandonment to be stuck
on the unwanted list.

Please don’t fall in love with me
I’m not someone to trust with your heart
I don’t even trust me with mine

Please don’t find me attractive
There are storms raging beneath this surface
Evil things dancing in fire and brimstone

Please don’t desire me
I’ll only let you down just like I do everyone else
I’m not what you want or need

Just keep looking... okay?

I am you.
You, who feels the grey underlay.
You, who can feel so happy and yet at the same time the numb weight is beneath you.
You, who can laugh, smile and wave because you’re so good at being brave.
You are happy.

You, who talks to their friends,
You, who loves another human.
I am you.

You, who thinks about dying and just stopping being.
You, who knows that something’s wrong,
But, you’re fine.

I am you who lies horizontal with the clouds, feeling the grey underlay but always reaching to keep your face in the sun.

No one close to you will ever know, but I know. I see you. I am you.

Times when the spirit goes down
Times when both the hands are not enough
Times when hearing something good is the only craving
This is the only time when the only most needed person is me
For my own validation
For my own inspiration
Empathizing my own emotions
Leaning on my own shoulders
Wiping my own tears
Accepting my own fears
Sensing my own sensitivity
Soothing myself with soft words
Remembering that bad times are temporary
And in this temporary time that I have
Carried on and hung on with myself
That I stood by myself in need
That I understood myself and my needs
That I build this trust with myself
That I know now in times when the spirit goes down
I have me always to carry on with myself.

late december snow
drifted down early november
three weeks of white