Alterations in perception
Leads to involuntary self-deception
Is this a dream
Is this reality
What if I am really dead
My sanity's hanging by a thread
I miss having clarity
Being able to differentiate
Am I lucid
Or delusive
I miss being able to truly say
I had a good day
At this point I'm not sure what I know to be true
I just know that I'm tired of trying to push through
And if anybody can hear me
Please help me understand
I'm lonely and scared
Can someone please
just hold my hand?

Sweet melting ice cream
Sunrise beamed in blue and pink
Snowflakes drizzling, a silent scream
Soft pillows for her cheek to sink
Scents filling her nose like a sweet stream
Lying in her same bed
Eyes open but not awake
Senseless to her frozen core
Not sure if it’s all fake
Her reality now a distant dream
Memories of the world she made, erased
The rainbow sprinkled donut that was her life
She couldn’t recognize or taste

Whenever I look in the mirror,
I see Frankenstein’s Monster.
Where am I ?
Dissociated somewhere,
but hell,
even I couldn’t tell you where.

My eyes are no window to the soul
because my human vessel lost it’s soul
a long time ago
I found it,
shattered in the depths of my mind
in so many pieces,
I can never be whole again.

But is that what I want? Or
what society wants me to do?
to pass as a human,
to pass as a man.
Is that who I truly am?

So caught in the webs of preconceived
notions I’ve been fed all my life:
You are not a boy.
You will never be a real man

Well, *******!

I am untangling myself from this web,
leaving the toxicity behind,
surrounding myself with
the sunshine I deserve.

You can judge me all you want
Just know;
I am the one who is truly free.

i fear what is true
and find comfort in the folds of reality.
lurking between material and abstract,
i find your outstretched hand.
pull me back into your world
and teach me to love.

Explore my labyrinthian corridors,
From the walls to the hallways, to the unkempt floors.

'Tis in my mind I finally realize,
I have not the time to explore each and every door,

Precious, singular thoughts,
Expectedly drowning,
but in due course,
We are lost at sea in an ocean devoid,

emptied by the mindless wars.

Shhh
I can hear you thinking
Screaming in your head
Wishing you were someone else
Wishing you were dead

Shhhhh
I can hear your heart pounding
Faster, harder than it should
I can see it in your eyes
How you feel misunderstood

Shhh
It'll be ok, I promise
No more tears, no more fears
But right now I need the silence
I cant think past my own bleeding ears

if my body rots from the inside out am i still me?
if my feelings don't reach even the mouth that speaks
when i fall and my "self" finally ceases to be
is that still me?

always talking about this and that
saying you're going to die tonight.
promising myself respite in this manner is
a privilege i no longer have.

i have no "self" but nobody else can see
calling me a "human being"
covering my mouth to muffle my speech
become separate from me, please.

you told me to give up on being a person
because i have no memories, because i've forgotten everything
if i go on in this manner, forgetting everything
am i not a person any more than you?

if this body cries and withers away
if this voice becomes quiet and ceases to breathe
if this eye closes and does not see
is that still me?

in crowded rooms
and narrow halls
i've never felt
like i belong

i stare off
into the midst
of chattering people
that still feel bliss

i can't see
i can't hear
they tap my shoulder
but i'm no longer here

because it's dark now
i know you're gone
but i was right
and you were wrong

there is no place for me
there is no home
that's why i
should be alone