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Phyllis Hand Oct 2021
Knight of the night
Fearfully incising the hearts
Of those you pass
With pasts
Of unreliable mothers
And caregivers

Knight of the night
I try to look
At your presence
As a gift
But in the midst
Of your silken touch
And unsuspecting kisses
Pressing heavier
You've made your impact

Knight of the night
I wonder of your return
Do you feel shame
In your silence
Of naming this sweetness
A forbidden fruit

It will not swallow you,
I promise
I will not let it
For if there is a day
You feel you cannot leave
I will lead you to the garden
And leave you there
So you can grow

Someday I will return
To enjoy the fruits
Of which we loved and labored

Gifts of two worlds
Please, realize
You need not be chained

Of our worlds
Are to be celebrated
From self-imposed narratives
Phyllis Hand Oct 2021
I want to understand
But time eats me
A fallacy presenting
Sometimes in beauty
Sometimes in loss
All imagined
Here I am delusional

Please, let me be
One, one with all
I can see me in you
The pieces fit together
In a puzzle we never realized
We fragmented
The picture itself is whole
Phyllis Hand Oct 2021

Possessing the mind
Stealing possibilities
If I am This
Then there is bound to be That

A perfectionist
Will find their enemy
In one who makes mountains
Out of molehills
And therefore renders themselves

A person bound to their suffering
Suffers further
When they see others in their joy

A dislike of one thing
Pulls toward it one
Who likes that same thing
Feeds on opposition

To free oneself
Starts from within
Diving into the divine
That which is limitless

Freedom is here
Is always an option
So long as one recognizes
Their own mortal, mental positions
And instead lends their mind
To curiosity

Love triumphs
And we all ascend.
Phyllis Hand Oct 2021
Which path shall I take
Opportunity endless

First step
Body tirelessly communicates
Will I listen?

What messages does it relay?
How do the past and present inform them?

Which benefits me?
The bigger, timeless Me

There is hope in understanding
My neurology
and engaging joyfully
in its plasticity
Phyllis Hand Oct 2021
Tryin’ to figure this thing out
Heart flying
Straight up leaving behind
This mind of mine
Why are we moving
And to where
Why now
Why am I so detached
From the then and the now

To be alone is desired
A sense of inner peace
And yet I couldn’t even tell you
What that means

Seeking reasons for beliefs
Supreme beings to believe in me
Some chains to bind
So I can escape and say I’m free

Clinging to the cleaning
Of inner space
Endless torment
When faced with rejection
Of expectations
Innocent sentiments
Soon cemented
Into views of how the earth
Should be

Move me, stream
Fill my lungs if you must
But I hope that I may be present
So that I can open up
Done with the dissociation
Futile, now
What once saved me as a child

I’m alive
I am here
There is so much to be done
Not to neglect portals
to Being
the Way and One
Phyllis Hand Oct 2021
The word “Emergency”
in the acronym ER
sure brings about raw emotion
and pressed awareness

You are further removed, now
both in mental and physical states
The doctor was worried
What comes next?

My mind glosses over possibilities
Too much trauma undertaken
A mask to extract?
Or crisis, true?

What if the end is near?
Rarely do we see it coming
The tears of loss and relief
are all the same to gravity

I’d think of the greatness
you could’ve become
Biting my tongue, speaking instead of
the lives you did touch

Life is fleeting
Worrying offers illusory action
Gratitude is infinite
Connection holds the key

— The End —