They’d tell you it would be okay,
Things would flow,
But it feels like the river stopped,
I have nowhere to go.

I keep pushing through,
Boulder by boulder,
The rocks sometimes fall on me,
But I try to always be stronger.

My mind is a mess,
Like the things in my room,
Waiting to get sorted out,
From the sun till the moon.

So painfully aware of being apart
from that which gives me my breath
helps to maintain the rhythmic beating
of my swollen heart--

So horribly bereft at having said goodbye
to one who has always kept me here
who has cradled me, held me tight
through every moment of every sigh--

So hauntingly sure I will not survive
that life will have no meaning
with you not here to hold, to guard,
to keep me alive--

And so forlornly looking as you saunter away
your laugh, your jokes, your smiles and gentle heart
all that gave me reason to wake up
and live another god-forsaken day--

But so determined this time to carry on
to make it through without you here
to somehow hold myself together without you
and to just make it until the break of dawn...

written May 27, 2015

"I feel alive
I feel consumed with happiness and achievement
For I've made it to the finish line
And there's no looking back
This week is monumental and a stepping stone into the big world unknown
Momma, I made it
and from this point forward
I will blossom into the flower I deserve to be
Confidence is key and I've got the lock
For I am finally falling into myself a trust fall I once never felt comfortable falling into
I will do well
I will prosper
I made it"

I don't think.
I never do.
I dive in head-first,
without knowing
the depth of the water.
Without having a clue.
I jump in without
a single thought.
Only when the
shock of the cold
water ***** the air
from my lungs,
do I realize the
damage that
could be done.
I cannonball into
the deepest end.
And it is there,
that split second
in mid-air,
when I decide
whether I'll
sink or swim.

Walked on the mud
Her reputation marred
Evading the bird