A Greed.




If being important was so important to them then how important could it be;



How do we quantify the importance of something or someone by the impotance it is to thee.



So now the important people say this and that is important and without it what a terrible world we would see;



If the importance of something or someone is so important then wouldn't that make life so easy.



Aren't the importances of living life for the whole world's importance more important but the whole world obviously isn't important enough from what I have seen;



I must be mistaken that the agenda of importance to the important must be something else don't you agree.



Then importance must mean that who ever is important enough then let them decide the most important of deeds;



I am confused about how this world can be less important than the importance of all the important people we give heed.



When importance of the world comes second to anything that is when we have to look at all the people who just live off greed.

A bird flew and it's head
Smacked into my window.
It tried again, and again,
As I sit in awe of its blind
Determination..
Silly bird, don't you know
The satisfaction of perhaps
Entering my room isn't
Worth the headache

Letting go of your daddy’s hand to chase after butterflies is easy.
Letting go of your mommy’s leg to run to the school bus is easy.
Letting go of the monkey bars is easy.
Letting go of a ball after you throw it is easy.
Letting go of the hand of someone you loved so deeply so quickly is devastating.  
Letting go of you was never that easy.


I loved you so quickly and trusted you so blindly. I can’t even fault you or be angry with you leaving. You never asked me to care but I did. It was like one moment you were there and we were happy and smiling…. then next I was sitting in my room. Alone. Confused. Used tissues surrounding me and my eyes clouded with tears. I listened to all the music you sent me and sometimes I can’t even believe that you meant the promises of being a favorite.

Devasted.
Broken.
Embarrassed.
Ashamed of myself for letting someone so close far too quickly. You promised me you were different but it all ended the way I am used too.

I thought I couldn’t do it. I thought I would be stuck on that kid with that **** snap back forever. I thought that I would get married to him and maybe have a future. Just maybe because there was such optimism in his voice when he said those words to me that I actually started to believe them.

I don’t hate myself for it. I don’t hate you for it.

I saw her Facebook the other day. “In a relationship” is usually the knife in the chest… it stung a little, but I think what bothered me the most was that the boy with the tattoos that made me all of these promises threw them in the trash. I think what hurts the most is having no closure. Abrupt endings hurt the worst when you have to rip your ties free of that person and try to fix the frayed ends. I was ****** and hated her… but then I realized I don’t hate her. I am actually really happy for her… and you because hopefully this is different for you. Because you deserve to be happy. Because I want her to be happy. But most of all because I deserve to be happy. There is no room in my heart for bitterness. I don’t deserve to be stomped on. Mostly because I forgive you and it is time to start moving on to a life I deserve.

I deserve to be the light that warms the room. I deserve to be the wind that freely travels the world. I deserve to be a free spirit. I deserve to experience love without fear of the past. I deserve to have a bright contagious smile and laugh and chase after the people who will better my life.

I never thought I would get to this part but I am still learning. Learning how to trust. Learning how to study. Learning how to interact with others. But mostly learning to let go of those who willingly leave my life.  

I am learning but I still have a long way to go. At least I can say that the pain of learning has never made me happier. So this is me… still learning to let go.

I am the sea
Vast expansive me
They are the rocks
forever eroding stops
I am the sea
Depths of a degree
Upsurge of volcanic magma
Do la do la do la
I am the sea
Escape it free
Sun burns on the beach
Try to teach
I am the sea
State my plea
Nothing but fuel below us
Smoke filled sky must
Eye am the see

With the very last ounce of strength
its tiny, broken body brings,
it takes one final shot at life,
and slowly, once more, ***** its wings.

These showers of mine
Drown my many fears
With showers of Earth
Hiding streams of tears

Dripping so solemnly
A melancholy rhythm
It fills me with streams
Of watery dissonance

With voices resounding with malignant contempt
Echoes fervently clouding my mind
I listen and weep, remembering the sound
"be gone my child, for you are unworthy"

Crumbling catastrophically
Within my torturing abyss
A broken sky of crystal shards
Every piece, mirroring my misery

I'm hurt
Hurricanes of emotions whirling within me
I'm scared
But press forward to the march of drops

Beginning my pilgrimage, an arduous adventure
To rebuild from their wounds, so innocently inflicted
To light my sky once more with humble fire
And tread, steadfast, along the rivers of the rain

"Après la pluie, le beau temps"

get out of your head
your crooked teeth are precious pearls
the height you own will soon fade
color doesn't need to be the same
stop staring at the scale
waiting for numbers to change

keep a firm grasp on your imagination
let your mind paint faces in the trees
listen to voices that get caught in the wind
feel every droplet that kisses your skin
dance in the sun even on a cloudy day  

listen closely to your grandparents
for they will depart soon
dance to the sound he taps on the piano
never skip a chance to let her kiss you
tell them "I love you," mean it always
say "I love you"
before they forget
before it's too late

remember your determination can carry you over oceans
so don't fear the puddles ahead

What will happen when my life ends? Is what I take with me, the core of my sins? Happy memories stained with hurt, loss, and regret. What was gained that I felt, what was kept from me for so long. The will of my heart. Am I really the change I seek? how do I stand up? when the ground has been swept from beneath my feet? This gray line now gravitates towards black, and just as I awake for another fight. The world is standing feeding hunger from my fears. So I remain sad, and days has come and years have passed. Yet nothing has changed, tomorrow is still empty. How do you look towards the future when your present is filled with pain and suffering? I can't see the light. The past won't remain a memory. If only things were as easy as snapping my fingers and watching the pain that clings to me disappear. I would have no reason  to shed tears. I feel as if there is a voice that tells me I have no place in the world. This voice is very convincing. That you can not adapt. That no one is listening. I feel as if this life is now thoroughly permeated with the spirits of despair and resistance. I want to feel important. I want the will of my heart rescued from the barbarism that surrounds me, the inescapable horror that has tormented me. Is it my will, that I take with me on my final journey? What others have enjoyed destroying. Give it back! my innocence, my emotions, I want it all returned to me. I no longer want to please you or this world.  I don't want to run anymore, I don't want to hide, or die. I don't want to lose. I wont give up, because Life is what I choose.