Please
Try not to make decisions when you are sad
Tears blur your vision

What if I told you that girl over there.
Yeah the one you just complimented on how skinny she's gotten.
What if I told you that that girl is staving.
Staving in so many ways.
Yes she is hungry. In the literal way and metaphorical way.
She is starving but it goes deeper than that.
She wants to be seen. She wants love. She wants life.
She wants happiness. She wants to be pretty. She wants the things you do.
Hell she doesnt know what it is she wants anymore.
Maybe she is just like you in away.
She cant even pinpoint when she decided this for herself.
Maybe it was the first compliment. The first time a guy looked at her.
The first time someone told her she was pretty.
She wanted to be prettier skinnier better.
She doesnt even realize she is living in hell, or maybe she does and doesnt care.
She wants all these things that much. That she doesnt care.
And you are "feeding" into that with every compliment, every look and every word.
She has made herself weak. Weak in so may ways.
Mentally and physically. Now look again. You see it now. Dont you?
You see the circles the tiredness in her eyes.
Now look again you see the sad the hurt and the pain.
Now look again you see that she is me. Now look again she could easily be you.

It is snowing.
Please thaw my house. Please
thaw my
Heart.

The pain of you keeps me awake at night and I keep it close thinking I just might hold you again and say it's alright, but now I only travel memories, treasuring every mile and I wipe the tears all the while knowing sadness has a way of making me smile

I wash the world from my body.  Thick in its desires, its wants and needs.  Heavy with grief and suffering.  I try to purge myself of the violence and greed and the fascination with death and dying.  

I shed clothes as a knight shedding his armor in hopes that the light will find a way to cleanse my soul.

I lie exposed for all to see.  No barriers, no cover-up, just me.  But you turn away.  Do I disgust you?  My head hangs low.  The water pouring down my back.  Should I wash away too?  Would you know I was gone?

My sins are cleansed but the water continues to pour.  There is no friend, there is no love, there is no god.  I am man, incomplete.

As I wash away, I see you coming.  Will you rescue me?  Or am I already lost?  A trickle, a tear, a drop of water in the shower.

Some day you'll find a girl who didn't cut her bangs like I did when you told me not to.
She wont want piercings and hair dye and wont wear outcasting clothes that you didn't like either.
You'll be able to pick up a drink without her worrying, and you will spend you're night with your guys without any disturbance.
You won't have to deal with a down hearted gloomy girl who you questioned once you saw where she stood socially.
You'll find a girl who won't be considered artistic, but instead is the captain of sports teams.
Maybe she'll be smart too, you won't get angry with her because she tries hard and always gets an A. Maybe then it won't interfere with your relationship.
You'll **** her in all the ways we taught each other how, but it won't take long for you to forget the stories behind the lessons.
You'll touch her in all the right places because I showed you where.
You'll love her endlessly without the worry of hurting her damaged heart
and
She'll be able to take care of you in a way I never could.
Maybe she'll be better for you, and you're anxiety won't spike up.
She probably won't cut her thighs and stop eating when she's upset
and you wouldn't have to hide to people the reason why I've lost so much weight.
She'd be happy and delicate and your parents would love her.

But if there's one thing I know,
She will never ******* love you like I did.