Like,
the truth of it hits you first,
And then afterwards
you're like: "Wait,
                
what does that mean?"

You know that
There are always
Stars
Even when the clouds
Are most dense
But they will always
Go away eventually
Sometimes you have to
Stop
And remember things
Like these

She says that people don’t listen to her
I hold back my retort that
“She doesn’t listen to others”

She mentions how everyone keeps leaving her
I hold back my retort that
“Maybe if you were more aware of others it’d be easier to stay with you”

Honestly,
It’s more complex than that

To an extent,
I admire
Her ignorance of her surroundings
Those around her

Because,
I’m hyper aware
Too self conscious
Too worried about how others think of me

She’s the opposite
So wrapped up in a cacoon
Of her own problems
She doesn’t notice those around her

But this can also pose problems
A LOT
Of problems
We were best friends in eighth grade
But we grew
And I couldn’t handle
Such a close relationship
With her

I tried to expressly wait for her
Remember her birdthday
She didn’t notice
Or even if she did,
It was never reciprocated

I was talking
She’d respond
Immediately switching
The conversation
To herself

It’s not maliciousness
It’s just plain ignorance

But what can I do?
I’m still friends with her
She’s just not-nowhere near
The top of my list

I can’t go up to her
And tell her this
She’d take it the wrong way

But even then,
Who am I to tell her how to live her life?
I have enough social issues of my own
And she’s fine just the way it is

It’s extremely frustrating
Seeing a problem
But being unable
To do anything
About it

She wants more friends
She has to put in that effort
And I can’t
Be
The
One
To advise her how

He called me dense
It still sticks to me
Not because
I'm hurt
or anything

But because,
I find it funny
I don't think I am
I do notice things around me

Honestly though,
half the time
it's a real pain to be
aware of everything

I know what I need to
I focus on what I deem important

Yet...maybe my lack of societal awareness
has dubbed me dense?

I certainly do sport a happy go lucky attitude
Often childish
Book smart,
but often confused
seeming
And I certainly do have
the annoying habit of people pleasing
while being shy
and diffident
at times

It's funny
I almost feel smarter with myself
When I'm with others
self-consciousness
self-doubt
social anxiety
naturally takes hold

It sometimes places me
in the role of under dog
Or is it dark horse?
The one,
who surprisingly pulls through
Surprisingly,
has abilities

I'm a little bit like a wave I suppose
On a stormy night
Lashing this way and that
as I please
Sometimes broken down
other times mowing my way through

So, maybe I am dense
Maybe I'm not
I don't know

Life...
can be described by many adjectives
But, let me keep mowing through
On my own merry way
Chugging like,
as my little brother would say,
A chu chu train